GETTING TO THE DEPTH
This I think is one of the most personal blogs I’ve ever written my entire life, but stumbling across my post, perhaps it’s destiny’s way of sending you a message. Maybe you’re finding yourself in this page cause like me, you are also in the midst of finding yourself and figuring things out. Life in general has its unique way of putting people together, connecting paths, but most often than not, all of us have been through that life crisis situation, feeling exhausted, confused, and constantly searching for that one place where we could find peace and satisfaction.
GETTING TO KNOW ME
HI! I'm Vee, an introvert. Quiet places are my sanctuary. Growing up, my routine has always been home, school, and family. I was always called the mama’s girl; my mom’s side is my safe haven. As a child, I loved school and learning. I took pride in good grades, high honor awards, and academic achievements. School has always been my escape from the poverty my family has faced. I always find joy in every teacher’s compliment, and every medal my mom would hang around my neck every recognition. My mom had me at 43, old, tired, exhausted but she made sure I got all the love I could ever ask for. At old age I am now my mom’s caregiver. I took care of her like how she took care of me when I was a baby. It wasn’t an obligation but it was an act of love, respect and gratitude.
ABOUT MY SPECIAL ONES
She has a major operation near her brain, and maybe I think because mom is so kind to all the people she met, a lot of people prayed for her fast recovery. It has not been a year since her surgery but her recovery is quite impressive, and others said that one good reason to that is by the way me and my siblings took care of her. My mom’s recover is like an award to me. It showed my mom and my persistency and perseverance specially at times when I felt tired being a carer. I got tired but I never think of quitting.
Aside from being my mom’s caregiver, I am also an Aunt and a child day carer I must say. I have held all my niece and nephews in my arm, loved them like my own. All that I could have, like a small salary from work, I would spend it to treat them. I wouldn’t mind if I got nothing for myself, my family’s happiness is my priority.
THE INTROVERT
But behind those smiles and being strong, provider, carer for my family, lies a sad and lonely person whose been struggling with too much anxiety and being introverted. I had developed a 2 persona in me, one that no one knows about, one is the happy go lucky person. I hide all the pain in me because I don’t think anybody would be interested. When I do have problems, I never got a chance to tell it to my family because I thought they would never believe that a strong figure like me can never solve problems, and I don’t want to be called petty. I am always saddened by the idea that when I am in need I couldn’t turn to anyone for help but I was always a helper to anyone’s problem. But that I guess is the reality of life. That those that are happy and smiling and laughing carries the heaviest heart no one has ever known and see.
SEEING THE SUN SHINEs
I was always like that, not until there came someone who really made me feel how it feels to be the receiver at the end. I got to experience what it feels to be treated like how I treated my family. I got the recognition and appreciation no on has ever done. And since then, from that moment, I had never felt alone. You see, I suffered for years and years of depression but it only takes a single person to really make a difference and show me that I am valuable, that every person deserved to be taken cared of, and to feel like they have someone they can depend on to. That made me happy.
Aside from that, cooking has also saved me from distress. Kitchen is my haven and food is my comfort. I love to cook whatever I can think of and whatever is available. My family is a family of cooks; my brother is chef. But for me, I wasn’t aware that I love cooking, growing up I am not a good cook. But when depression hit so hard, I found myself releasing tension and pressure through cooking, that is when I developed the inner chef in me. It was an innate talent I might say, a useful one. They say everyone is lucky having me near because I can cook anything, but to me, it was God’s gift to really take me away from darkness of depression.
OVERCOMING
My achiever self who once was lost cause of depression has now slowly coming back. I started to rebuilt myself from being so boxed in. I then became a teacher, from someone who has been jumping from 1 gig of a job to another to survive, into fully giving it my all in teaching not because I do have to survive but because I have now a back up and a support system that encourages me to never cease trying even if I might fail multiple times.
But my journey has kept rolling and rolling. Until 1 day I revisited my elementary and high school journals. I was once a writer; I am shocked in disbelief. I do have a good write up before and I thought to myself “this is what I wanted to rebuild. I want to continue this persona of mine, not just for me but to help those that are suffering, to tell them that the world doesn’t end because we failed, it continues to roll and so do we. SO, MUST WE. We need to continue thriving, and inspiring. In a fast-pacing world, what could we contribute and what would we left behind, right? We can only leave behind legacy, inspiration and motivation. And so that begins my journey in blog writing.
This would not be possible without the help of someone I met online. I am so thankful for Ms. @Antonette for sharing her wisdom about this wonderful platform, HIVE. I am fully aware that using AI and posting AI generated content is strictly prohibited. And I also know the importance of engaging inside the communities and that I am very much willing to abide by these rules and follow it whole heartedly. I promise that all my contents and posts are self-made and are my own with the help of Canva for ensuring the pictures would look good.