Dear CryptoDeaf, I'm a 22 year old deaf male and I tried my first hit of crack which was amazing, blew me away. I felt so blissful and happy. I'm accustomed to feeling lonely, depressed and isolated but when I was high, it was like everything was great and like I had no problems at all. I'm aware how unhealthy drugs are, and I want to ask, what's your take on things like using crack to feel happy every once in a while? Or how do you personally deal with it? I was mainstreamed and oral, but overall talking with others is not only difficult but tiring as well, so I figure why bother trying? ~DopedUp
Funny you should mention the use of the word DopedUp as what you'd prefer to be called in the article, but honestly drug use isn't all too uncommon in the gay and the deaf world, especially for us mainstreamed deafs, it's a sad part of reality. Many of us end up trying meth while others end up trying harder drugs such as yourself with your experience with crack.
I've personally experimented with drugs in my youth as well, having used meth, crack and pot, however if you're going to utilize any sort of drug for a sense of euphoria I'd have to argue the case for marijuana instead of all the other stuff, as it is far, far safer and far less addicting. Pot isn't physically addictive, but it can be psychologically addictive and if you're going to be addicted to anything, pot would be where to go if you absolutely have to use something illicit.
However, your better option, provided you have the coverage for it, would be to seek out a medical professional, even your primary care physician is capable of prescribing your psychotropics that would benefit you and may help you out. Not everyone is the same so different medicines affect people differently so you may end up going several months before you find a medication that actually works for you. Do give the medicines time to work, as they often have to build up in your system to take proper effect. The majority of medications like that you can't just pop one pill and see if it works like that. Some take a couple weeks, others can take upwards to a month.
You'll likely need an anti-depressant and a mood stabilizer, in combination. I'm not a medical doctor nor a shrink, I'm just letting you know what you can likely expect, so don't be upset. Also expect that you'll likely only be prescribed one medication at a time and they'll only tweak one at a time as well, this is to prevent the side effects of one making you give up on both medications.
Overall I know using hard drugs like crack and meth and even heroine is extremely tempting because it, especially with crack and heroine, give that you feeling of bliss and happiness compared to none other, with crack making you feel like you're in heaven often times. But it's not good for you, even for a once in a while situation.
You're far better off seeking professional help, and this is primarily in regards to depression.
You other best bet is to also look up on a search engine for local meetups for the deaf and hard of hearing in your local community and try getting involved. You'll want a mixed environment, especially if you don't already know ASL, they'll help you learn and also give you resources to benefit you. I also suggest you checking out LifePrint if you've not got any skill at all with ASL. Do be aware of the grammar nazi types that seem to be at every single one of these, there are good people there. The Hard of Hearing typically have a very negative experience in these groups, so one of your better options if you're put off by the grammar nazi is to personally seek out the hard of hearing as they're also looking for community and understanding, you just have worse hearing than they do but they're understanding and compassionate enough to work with you the most.
So having a deaf friend for the hard of hearing trying to get their feet wet and learn ASL will help them engage in the community more, and you'll be helping other people and they'll end up more likely also becoming good friends of yours which will help aid you out of your isolation.
I would advise using text a lot, however I still end up feeling lonely and isolated when texting and IMing my husband back and forth, I do have that desire, that drive, to have face to face communication away from text on a screen. It's all about seeing someone's emotions on their face. It does help to a good degree, but after a while, it starts to wear down, and I suspect you've probably already gotten past this point.
You can also hit up some dating sites. Your profile doesn't mention your sexual orientation, and I'm aware that's none of my business, however if you're gay or bi, you'll have an easier time finding someone to connect with who's hearing or hard of hearing on those communities as opposed to the heterosexual dating scene. Even going to a gay club is exceptionally accepting of us and you'll often find a guy or some trans person or a drag queen that's very interested in communicating with you and asking questions about what it's like being deaf, don't be offended, they don't know and honestly want to know. The problem with the club scene is that it's often extremely noisy so you'll end up having to type back and forth or bring a notepad and pen with you. This kind of interaction isn't too common in the heterosexual dating scene and clubs sadly.
If you really want to get involved with some people who are more likely to be able to help you with not only ASL if you don't know it already, but also be friendly towards the disability without asking a metric ton of questions about deafness, sadly, hit up a lesbian bar. I'm not sure of the statistics, but seriously, personal experience here, the vast majority of lesbians I've met know at least some sign language while others are proficient at it, even though they can hear perfectly fine. I'm not sure what the deal is there with that. Maybe there's more deaf lesbians than deaf gay men or something, I don't know.
If you're straight and you're going into these environments, especially the lesbian environment, be kind and respect the environment you're in and if questioned, you can just state you're just after a more inclusive environment that's understanding of our disability (Deafness).
I'm pretty sure I know the cause of your feeling of isolation, most mainstreamed deafs go through it whereas those knee deep in Deaf Culture don't have that much of an issue with it, though I'm sure some still do. It's something we all end up sadly having to deal with from the mainstream because of how difficult it is to communicate and have real human connections.
It's kinda funny in a way though, because we have to pay real close attention to what's being said by someone that's hearing to be able to get what they're saying. My husband, for example, told me "You're the first person to actually listen to me. Not just hear but actually pay attention and listen."
That's just one thing about us, we may not hear what the hearing have to say, and we may miss a lot of what's being said, but they can't say that we don't pay attention and can't say we don't listen. And for a lot of people, that's a quality that really helps out. I've helped out a lot of hearing people from wanting to go out and kill someone, I've prevented people from commiting suicide, all because of how well we deaf have to listen to someone for basic communication. And you know what? That's helped out my isolation and depression as well by helping those that needed a listening ear, even if said listening ear is a deaf one.
They know we're deaf, and they realize how hard we're trying to pay attention to get everything we can from their talking. For a lot of them, the fact that I was just there and trying to listen to them so hard and focus so hard on what they're trying to tell me meant the world to them that someone who can't hear them is trying. It's helpful to them and it's helpful to us, because it gives us that human connection we mainstreamed deafs don't get all that often.
I know it's a difficult situation to deal with and not everyone's capable of handling it, so it may or may not be fore you, but it's something that is generally helpful and will help bust through that feeling of isolation and will help someone else out with anger and depression. It's usually a win win.
There's avenues open that don't require illegal drug use, and I for one can't say what option is best for you because I don't personally know you. You might have a depression disorder on top of being deaf which deafness doesn't help at all in dealing with, or your deafness may be the cause of the depression itself. I can't say, I don't know you and I'm not a shrink. And no, there's nothing wrong with seeing a shrink regardless of the stigma that may be attached to it.
Seeing a shrink will also help isolate the actual issues you're having, at least a good one will. They'll not only help you with medication for while you need it, but they can also try helping you obtain a case manager/social worker who could also assist you in finding resources you need such as these groups. It's also possible the mental health clinic might have a deaf group, my old one in Phoenix, AZ did and it was helpful when I was there. However, there's also deaf groups in universities that are usually free to join, you just have to ask about them to see if you can get involved as they're not publicly listed.
I know universities in general don't have ASL courses, let alone high schools having ASL as an elective, and trust me when I say that I think they should. They'll teach you Spanish or French but they won't teach you ASL for some screwed up reason, which is a crying shame. At least, though, schools generall do have some form of club or group for the deaf and hard of hearing that's generally organized by the deaf and hard of hearing students and they are generally welcoming of non-students seeking a group for community, especially more so if said non-student is deaf and in need.
They're aware of our isolation, our depression, our anxieties and they're very sympathetic about it.
I don't know what else to really advise you on, this is as much as I can give you, I can't give you anything more detailed and specific because I don't personally know you, you know yourself better than anyone else possibly could. I know for a lot of us we're generally trapped inside our own heads, but we can fix that and allow you to escape and to get that human connection. Just, I don't know what you personally need.
I do know that you need to not be using hard drugs like crack. I know it's tempting, trust me, I've used crack before on more than one occasion, I've gotten addicted to it and sadly that addiction, it never goes away. It's likely you're already addicted to it as well and not realizing it, it's exceptionally telling with the question you asked me.
I still have thoughts even to this day, when my disability check comes in, I'd feel a hell of a lot better and happier with just at least one hit of crack from a $20 rock. I promise myself I won't abuse it like I did the last time almost 13 years ago and that it'll just be a "once in a while" sort of thing because I just need that feeling of happiness again to help get me out of this depressive slump, this hell of isolation, and everything will be all better for a little while. Those thoughts still come to my mind every now and again, especially when I'm at my lowest of low points.
It's very hard to give up, once you've experienced it, especially since you know you can get instant happiness from into you from a pipe. This is fake happiness, it's not real. It's a good feeling, but it's fleeting and you'll want and need more just to keep yourself from feeling like you're at rock bottom when you're actually at rock bottom. You'll become complacent being at rock bottom because "just one more hit" can lift you out of feeling like you're at the place you're really at.
You're literally better off without it. I'm aware of the feeling of bliss, like you're in heaven and nothing matters, trust me, I know. It's not that I don't care about you, I actually do care about you. I don't even know you, and I care about you. You're a lot like me in so many ways, I've just got almost 11 whole years on you.
So take it from me. Trash the crack pipe and work on fixing the problem, rather than coating it in sugar and staying in your situation. You and only you, can fix your situation. I know it's daunting, I know it's stressful, and I know it's scary, but I'm not telling you anything that I've not personally done. I've been through it, been there, done that, and now I'm running and advice column.
Just take things a little bit at a time. You'll feel a lot better just getting yourself out there and getting a human connection in a mixed deaf/hoh environment, and you'll feel better still with psychiatric help to help you along the way. Just grit your teeth and power through, you'll feel better afterwards.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : https://www.cryptodeaf.x10.mx/2018/02/27/dear-cryptodeaf-2-02-26-2018/