Ever since I visited Anarchapulco 2018 I have become more and more aware of my psyche, thought and behaviour patterns and realized that I am torn apart between my actions and my thoughts and purpose. By analyzing myself I discovered that I have been basically going through the entire propaganda and manipulation machinery of the system and that I have to start unlearn what was indoctrinated all my life.
A Life Full Of Mindcontrol
I was born and raised in allied occupied West-Berlin, surrounded by the infamous Berlin Wall. Inmidst the frontline of the cold war. After the fallout of the Chernobyl disaster I ate out of tin cans for a year or longer. Later, my favorite food became junk food in all its forms and variations; Like soda over water and cheap ramen soup over real food. Raised by a single mom, struggeling to make a living for the two of us, I was early exposed to way too much Television as that was a way for me to escape my world.
In school I was suffering from the education system that forced me to sit still and be quiet and think like I am supposed to think for entire fifteen years. Most importanly, we were told that Nazi Germany was partly our fault and that we have to live in shame for that part of history that happened before our parents were even born. As a teenager I started to listen to Hip Hop and identified myself with the street-anger of these artists which created pretty negative thought patterns over the years for me.
At the end of the 90's I experienced Germany going to an illegal NATO war in former Yugoslavia which was sold to the public as necessary in school and media. And on November 11, 2001 I saw the twin towers collapsing on live TV and was bombarded with the fear and hatred resulting out of it. And eventually I was basically forced to join the military service in Germany to further try to make me a uniform block of wood that just follows orders.
The spiritual aspect of that
What is relevant for me out of all that is the energetical and psychological aspect of my experience. As I believe in the Hermetic teachings I am aware that all the bad thoughts and behaviour patterns that plague me on my daily life have been mostly put upon me during my life. Created by an evil system that tries to keep our spirituality low to prevent us from realizing that we are all powerful multi-dimensional beings that co-create the material experience with our thoughts.
Hence, I am starting to see that the only way of becoming a totally free person that can start to discover its soul purpose I need to cleanse myself of all that shit that has consumed my life for far to long. It is not easy to do anything about it as the behavioral controlled animal within my brain tries everything to keep me on track to stay who I am - because it is easier and does not require so much energy. It is a struggle to change and to discover all that is holding me back.
So what can I do? My anser to that is to be in love with my life and accept that all this healing will take time, probably the rest of my life. And as long as I stay aware I will take some action here and there and resonate my desire to free myself from the old shackles. This will create synchronistic events which will make me run into people that can help me as well as find new ways and answers to do so myself. It is a crazy road but I am excited to see what my life has still in store for me if I intentionally create my reality and become a true anarchist - without an external ruler.
Do YOU think that you have been feeded negativity on all levels of life and society throughout your life? How did you escape? How do you heal yourself?