My cat is the most amazing cat in the universe.. EVER!
[Peek-a-boo!]
No other feline is as fantastic as this little furry fluffball!
Most normal households have normal cats, but not here! We do everything BIGGER and better!
You see, we don't have cats.. we have ferocious leopard-like animals roaming the wilds of broomsticks and bedposts. These voracious carnivores pounce lightning fast on a bowl of Whiskas®.. your cat eats.. my cat ravages.. sometimes he can wolf down three whole packets and still not be satiated!
It's not just cat food either.. my cat is willing to decimate pretty much any edible morsel left lying around! Ha, I bet your cat is the most finicky, picky eater ever! pah!
[Delicious!]
His amazing prowess isn't just limited to dining habits! No, my cat is a master of all trades! He can sleep like no other. Other cats are lazy, but my little tigrecito is a professional snoozer.. he has perfected the art of catchin' Zs in any place or circumstance, regardless of peril.
This domineering alpha cat is superior in ALL things.. I bet your cat runs terrified at the sight of a dog.. skittering across the floor to find shelter under the table.. hair and tail sticking straight out as if it has just been electrocuted.. Such behavior is beneath this Head of the Pride! He has learned to dominated the canine species causing them to tremble in fear with a single glare!
[You're mine, puppy!]
Your cat is probably confined to doing its business in a box of sand.. that's a shame.. you become the subservient vassal to the royal furball, scooping and scraping.. ick..
My majestic meower has spared me such disgrace.. he prefers to do his duty in the toilet.. like the rest of the civilized world.
His craftiness surpasses that of even the most basic humanoid capabilities.. Forget Siri, When I am driving I have the son of Bastet incarnate to enlighten me with his divine disposition of direction. He can also use such power to pull off amazing feats of disappearing into the forest for days at a time.. Most people would worry or put up useless "Missing Cat" posters. That would be futile. This cat will return, if and when it so desires..
[take me to the nearest fish market]
Yes, I'm sorry to say, but your plain old house cat just seems boring in comparison. Maybe one day your kitty will rise in ranks to the greatest of this feline's propensity.. but.. I wouldn't hold my breath.
Now.. if he would only come back home.. it's been HOURS! I wonder where I can get some "Reward for Lost Cat" flyers printed out.. 😕
* NOTE: all photos are produced by author