July 16, 22: Routine, Grocery Shopping, Oculus, Crashing, TV, and ...

[Ok. Well, my stomach is in knots again this morning. Spent the morning since I woke up dealing with Hive stress again and going back and editing my post from yesterday (which I didn’t get a chance to during the day).

You know, Hive has (mostly) been a source of pleasure for me. I like that, however banal, some record of my existence will hopefully persist beyond me; but, if it’s making me feel like this, well, Hive isn’t the only chain around…can just as well build my projects on EOS or WAX or maybe even make my own chain (which I’m considering anyway for the decentralization factor - a little worried they’re going to call my in-game token a security). I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water, though, so I’m not making any rash moves immediately.

In the four years I’ve been on this chain, I’ve never powered down once or sold HIVE/STEEM (except for selling the STEEM for HIVE after the fork), I’ve always 100% powered up my posts and only ever had the intention to grow my (and my projects’) HP, cus that’s the game right? That’s the whole idea…oh, wait, no not quite. The idea was to tokenize the internet! It’s unfortunate that the fairly widespread belief in Hive as a blogging platform (not blogging just being the first application built on the Hive chain) is what stifles the growth and value of the coin. 😭

I mean, you really think investors don’t look, see an account with ten and a half million power, and see how “decentralized” this chain actually is?! Come on.

I came to this chain from ETH/solidity and then Zombiechain (which never went anywhere as far as I know) in order to create a play-to-earn game in the first place because the transactions were free. Of course, they fucked that up with RC’s in order to drive an artificial demand for HP, so fine that meant building HP…between posting every day and the thousands I’ve invested out of my own pocket I’m starting to be able to build now, but if one account is going to come around and tell me I can’t offer a vote as a way to reward a competition because it’s not solely using the inflation for manual curation of “quality content” or otherwise dictating to me who I can vote or why, then is it really my stake?]

I passed out around eight despite trying to stay awake since we were watching a movie, but my battle was unsuccessful and I succumbed. I’d had a lot of coffee, a Red Bull and a caffeine Aha to try and stake awake later, but all it managed to do was make my sleep really shallow and upset my stomach even more than it has been the last several days. I was up at two and had to pee really bad, and there was just no way I was going to get back to sleep. Made for another three hours short on sleep and it caught up to me hard today.

Did my usual morning routine and still couldn’t stop my mind from going around in circles…basically wasted the last two days worth of mental time and energy (what little I had) thinking about, as I said, writing a letter for a day that doesn’t exist (yet). I tried to make it stop to think about the work I wanted to get done today, but I didn’t have to strength or energy to overcome it. 😞

Wenche is working this weekend, but she didn’t start until eleven, so we took the opportunity to head into town to get the groceries but I had to cut my post short…I am proud of myself, though, because even though I didn’t get a chance yesterday, I did go in and edit and make it a proper post this morning…I suppose it was a lot better as it stood than many posts, but regardless, I hate to leave them unfinished.

We were close to actually coming in under a hundred bucks this time, but we needed to get dog food and that pushed us over. Still, quite a bit cheaper this time than we have been averaging. We didn’t need as much meat this time, which was a BIG factor.

Got home and got everything put away well before she needed to start working, which was nice, and I even had a bit of time to play Into the Radius before lunchtime. I’d been planning (since Wednesday) to work on the computer today in the afternoon and evening, so I wanted to get the desire to play/procrastinate out of my system.

Played for about an hour or so. I did make it into the next area, but damn it escalated quickly! Hardcore armored up dudes there, and lots of them! 😱 I died, started back from the home base and fought my way all the way back to my corpse, got nearly all of my items back, and then died again. 🤬

By then it was lunch and I quit out to get my usual sandwich. After I ate, though, I hit an infinitely thick wall. There was no way I was going to be able to fight it and even with my mind still racing I passed out wicked hard for about four hours! So much for getting any work done today. 😡

I felt ok when I got up, and Wenche was working, so I grabbed a bowl of cereal for dinner. My stomach was really hurting me most of the day; got to try and relax at some point soon or I’m going to burn a hole in my intestines. 🤕

Tried, and more or less failed, to relax for the rest of the evening. Watched some TV and tried to ignore Hive for a while (including Splinterlands), and actually made it all the way until nine before crashing out again.

We are maintaining full dShitty shittiness saturation. I guess the one good thing is that I spawned a couple more Students, so my lowest possible income is slightly higher…but it’s good to know that they would have taken it all if the could have.

I ran one mission on Rising Star and that was already enough to start my Ego growing again. 😡 So, switched back to lessons for now.

My only goal for the whole day today was to sit down at the computer and get some work done. Could I focus? No. Was I exhausted? Yes. So I never even got around to turning it on, let alone doing anything productive (or unproductive as using my time to deal with HashKings would have been).