I'm working a lot. Every day all afternoon and then a nap and the rest of the night. Without the lighting it would be pretty blah. I spend a lot of time taking the photos and editing them. By the time I try to post anything my brain is just scrambled. I'm not able to select what's good or bad by that point. probably most of these look the same. They are subtly different. But really doesn't mean anything compared to what else is going on. My vanity still would like to be a "good" artist. As if that would help me.
All I'm really doing is a pretty futile attempt to make all the worry and fear and insanity of living in this extremely small place with my 95 year old mother and my nephew. I am losing it and feel hopeless most of the time. I can't stand it. I know I should never speak of it. Having no one to talk to and nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to. In every direction I turn to try and find some moments of relief there's just nothing. I've been buying a few art supplies when I probably shouldn't. I don't know what to do. I just want to go back to the shitty past that was better than this really horrifying present.
