I already mentioned in my introduction article that my autistic daughter teach me what is really important in our life. Let me explain it a bit and give you a little example.
She is four and half years old, she attends an ordinary kindergarden and she have an asistant for herself there. So, she was forced to learn some social rules. Like not every toy is for her, if she is playing with something what belongs to class, she must leave it there. So, she knows that things belong to somebody and she hasn’t problem with it.
But I hate to take her to public playgrounds. And it’s not because of her autism, but because of the nonautistic children there. There is always some kid who came with its toys. Car, bucket with shovel etc. Toys are just everywhere around us and even though Baru comes with her own toys, she is attracted in all other toys aroud us. And it's a bit problem, because everytime when she touch some others toy, there is a screeming voice aroud us, calling something like "Don't touch it! It's not yours, it's mine! You can't touch it! Mom, tell her leave it alone!..." It's stressful...
How do I explain Baru such a nonsence? The toys are just lying there, noone is playing with it at the moment, she doesn't want to take it home or break it, she wants just check it, play a bit and give it back. So, why is such a screem around us at the moment? Why kids react like this just everytime?
I was thinking about it and the reason seems to be very simple. Kids are probably react by this way, because we teach them it every day.
Did you listen what are mothers and fathers telling to their little children if they are attracted by something on public playground, or even in someone's others place?
"Don't touch the car, you can't do it, because it's not yours."
„Don't eat the biscuit! It's on the table, but it's not yours!"
So, we are pushing this idea to their minds since very young age. Things around us are sorted to "it's yours – you can play with" and it "it's someones else – do not touch it" And if we can’t explore and touch things which doesn‘t belong to us, why should we let someone else touch our toys? Even we are not playing it at the moment, it’s OURS! Noone else should touch it because the touching is bad!
That's why playgrounds and kindergardens are full of screaming children just because they are not willing to lend their toy to someone else.
I never noticed that fact before. But with Baru I see it every day. She also owns a lot of favourite atractive toys. But she has not problem to lend it to others, she never screems because of it.
She is nonverbal, she never received any information about that is something bad with touching others things And I hate the fact, that I must explain her, why she can't play with the atractive toy just now. She just doesn't understand it and she is stressed by the fact. And I feel she is right...
So, please if you have children, think about it. Is really necesary teach them such a nonsence? Wouldn’t be better teach them something like
"Look, this is an interesting car, you can play with it and after you finish the playing, you must give it back to an owner.“
„Don’t worry about your car, you can lend it to the boy, because he’ll give it back to you as soon as he finish his playing.“
And don't limit them too much if they want play or explore things around them. We forgot how to share things. What si strange because we have still more and more.
Thats what my auistic daughter showd me...
