7 MAY 2024
I took a little nap in the sun yesterday...my legs are burnt to a crisp. My sister came to stay with us for the weekend and it was really nice to see her and hear about what's been going on in her life. It was also my birthday, although I think the timing there was just convenient. I got up at 0400 this morning to take her to the airport before work, and I'm honestly feeling sad to see her go. I never thought she'd stay forever, I'm just realy aware of the fact that these moments are limited...how many more times will we visit one another in this life? I hate to say it, but I can't imagine there will be too many. You grow up with your siblings, then you're all in this hurry to start your lives, and by the time you think to look back you realize you've all grown into your own lives, almost completely separate from one another. I just hope she always knows how tremendously I love her.
My wife found me a pullup/dip bar on marketplace this weekend for a pretty good price, but I had a few beers right after I picked it up, plus my sunburned legs...I did 2-3 pullups - not back to back - but ultimately I wasn't in a good state to start using it just yet. I got it into the house though and am excited to start building back up to some of my former strength. I just have to remember: Having exercise equipment doesn't make you strong...you have to actually use the stuff and be consistent.
I'm not sure what I should be doing at work this week, which is a feeling I rather dislike. I'd much prefer to have too much work vs. too little. If it's too much, I'll simply do the best I can. There may be stuff that doesn't get done, but at least I knew what to do - and the bonus is, with left over work, I'll know what to do next week as well. Right now I'm kind of in between major projects I guess, so I have that guilty feeling of not being as productive as I am capable of.
I guess I'm struggling right now, and it's a weird sensation, because I know how to solve a lot of my troubles, but I don't know how to execute the solutions in mind...it's like I'm torn between multiple versions of how I view myself/who I want to be, and although it's easy enough to identify which versions or aspects of myself are neatly aligned with my values, I cannot seem to convince myself that the other pieces of me don't deserve a seat at the table, so to speak. Part of me thinks, if these aspects are here, they are me and they need to be integrated - but another thought comes along and obliges me to wonder, what if some aspects of me are not actually me, but just things that got absorbed along the way? What if it's like looking through a window that's been dirty for as long as you can remember, and it's your only window and your only way to view what's outside. If you can't remember what the outside looked like when the window was clean, would you know that the sky was not actually brown? And how can you clean the dirty side of the window if you're only able to access it from the interior/clean side? Maybe you could find breaks in the dirtiness - small holes through whcih you might focus and see the blue skies. Maybe just knowing from the small holes, that the window is actually dirty and the sky is actually blue, maybe you would be able to look through the same window and see differently. Anyway, I think I need to figure out how to clean my window, or at least learn how to recognize the dirt for what it is when I'm looking through it - but so far that's been damn hard.
On a lighter note, I got an Irish tin whistle the other day - it only cost like $1.50...maybe that's why they were called pennywhistles? I'd like to learn some of those really bright and active irish melodies on the quena, but so far I've struggled with that so I thought maybe if I could learn it first on the tinwhistle, maybe from there it would be a little easier to do it on the quena.
I had a dream this weekend and, although I didn't get the chance to put it into my dream journal and have even subsequently forgotten it, I remember that it was an important one. I feel like there was a big building or fort involved, but I can't seem to bring up much more about it.
Lately I really want to build up my thighs to be all big and strong - I've gotten to the point where I can squat/deadlift a decent amount of weight...but my legs still look super skinny.
...does anyone know where I might find a good reference on how to format text on HIVE? I can do most of the basics, but I've seen some people highlight text or use red text and even strikethrough...is there a guide out there somewhere?
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