Yesterday I wasn't able to finish or complete my dialysis which is actually a tragedy for me because I only get to go for twice a week session for my dialysis and yet I am not able to survive the whole four hour ordeal of it because of my blood pressure issues.
What happened was I didn't drink my energy drink at that instance because I didn't add an allowance of fluids to be taken off and I just planned to drink it after my session.
It could be the factor for my dipping blood pressure but it could also be that I ate a lot before my session which renders my caffeine pills to get absorbed slowly by my body which then didn't effectively hold my blood pressure in the process.
Or it could just mean that I had already added a real weight and that what I am targeting already is not my true weight anymore.
But whatever or wherever the problem lies I have no more clue about it because my body really have a mind of its own and sometimes it would really do what it wants to do and I just have to consider my time for being a dialysis patient in which I would be hitting my 19th anniversary in December 1st of this month.
There had been many changes in my body already, I have some calcification inside my body due to a lot of imbalances because of poor health maintenance which just rooted from my financial problems during my early years as a dialysis patient that could have been avoided had I got the money to really maintain my health.
Now I just have to face the consequences of that and help came too little too late because changes had happened before I was able to halt and control it with the current maintenance medicines that I am taking and diet restrictions that I only learned because of my own research.
Well now it sucks to be in my situation where it is hard to move around anymore but at least there are improvements that I am noticing already which is a good sign that my condition will not get worse anymore but instead maybe reversed even though my former body's appearance will never revert back into its original state.
What is important for me now is to slowly shed my body's pain away completely and heal my bones so that they would again heal and not leach away Calcium to my blood stream and for that I have to continue taking my expensive medicines even though it had a negative effect on my appetite.
But I hope that God would take me away from this problems soon and also I get more prayers form people or friends that cares for my welfare because at this most vulnerable stage in my lifetime I needed all the support and love that I can get because in reality I only have a small group of people that only cares for me, it makes me sad but I have to keep strong and not lose hope because that is the name of the game that we call life.