This essay will be the first of many that pick apart my “Words to live by”
Build a challenge network not a comfort network!
I think what I get out of this is that comfort network is your family and your friends that you already have. If you need to work on keeping your family happy then there are probably more issues that you will need to deal with first.
A challenge network would simply be a group of people that you surround yourself with that make you want to do better. It depends what part of your life you would want to do better at but the idea is the same for every area of your life. It is often said that you are the average of the five people you associate with most. So it is time to make sure that those 5 people are better at certain things than you.
Resource allocation
Think about the people that you associate with the most. If that is a lot of people then limit it down to about 5 that you spend the most time with. Then ask yourself what resources do these people provide me, in terms of stimulation and what do I learn from them each day. This may sound callous or cruel but when it all boils down to is you are a resource to them just as much as they are a resource to you. Part of your plan would always be not to be a burden on those people and be able to offer something of value to them. Think that as you become a better person you offer people more value.
Won't someone please think of the children
I try to explain to people that you need to include children in the 5 people you spend the most time with (if you have them obviously). They are a vital resource for all kinds of new information. Be grateful to have the wisdom to notice the wonder that children have when learning new things. Also, it would not be too many years into most children's lives that you can't learn things from them (I dare you to challenge an 8 year old to an "Ipad off".
Challenge team: Assemble
If you don't have a challenge network currently then it is time to think about putting one together. You might want to start off with people that are in your sphere but maybe you don't associate that much with. I am not talking about going out to them and asking them to be your mentor. A mentor is somebody who usually happy to be asked but then very soon regrets that. I subscribe to the idea that most of the time obligation is poison so having somebody obliged to you is poisoning you as well as them. What I mean by all this is that you may need to decide to strengthen some of the lesser friendships and decrease the time you spend with those who don't bring as much value.
I want to take a side note to let you know that all of this is for your benefit. You cannot help other people if you are drowning yourself. Find people who will let you find your true strengths and once you have a good ground then you can help other people. There is a reason why they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first if the plane is going down.
The way that I approach improving a part of my life is to make the worst parts better first. I look at it this way, if you make a 5% increase in something that you're good at it, it is nowhere near as effective as making a 5% increase in something you suck at. The funny thing is that it is easier to get less worse at something then better at something you are already good at. Use that advantage to get less worse at a whole bunch of the things you are not good at. It will also be easier for your challenge network to help you improve because they will need to put in far less energy to help with something that seems easy to them.
Some things are better left unsaid
It would be about time to point out that you do not need to let your challenge network individuals know that they are part of a master plan.. If they are good people they will probably recognize a change in you as you do it. It seems that I need to bring up another edict that I try and live by: only actions are proof. Take what you will from that and in a later essay I will explain what I believe it means to me.
D-I-V-E-R-Ci-Ty
Try not to pick people who are all of the same persuasion, whether that be political, gender, cultural Etc. It has been proven time and time again that diversity will bring better results, so if you want better results in your life then you better diversify your challenge network. I have realized in recent years that I have had to change the people that I associate with in order to gain a more rounded approach to my life. If you want to grow as a person, don't surround yourself with people who will encourage you to stay as you are.
Final Thoughts
This is all to benefit the greater community. If you are a better person, then you can be in a better position to help others. There is no downside to becoming a #betterHuman, whatever that means to you. Decide on what you are lacking and then find people who will help you improve.
A note on quotes.
As this is my first essay in this series I will explain why I am doing this. Since I retired I have been reading and listening to people who are leaders in their fields. I have been trying to distill some of their wisdom to help me in my life. I keep a very basic list of quotes that I hear that resonate with me. This list existed before for me, but it has started to take much more of a role in my life since retirement. Currently it is about 20 and it has remained relatively stable for a year or so. As quotes come in by will often read through the whole lot and see if any can be taken out. I plan to write a page or so on each of the quotes to not only offer you the reader, something but also to strengthen my ideas and make sure that the quote is still relevant to me.