Sitting here, trying to figure out how I wanna start this post, with Michael Kiwanuka subtly providing my entry.
I believe she won't take me somewhere I'm not supposed to be, he sings, except that's not true, is it? People so rarely stop and ponder where they're taking you, whether it's good for you, or just good for them. And you let them. Because just like anyone else, you gotta have someone, huh? Wouldn't want to be just another sad, lonely loser, 'cause the world's hard enough to survive as is.
Lately, though, I've been thinking about the compromises we make to stay in that partnership, the things we give, never to return.
I read recently that you can't get everything you need from one person. That in a relationship (of any kind) you only get to pick three things from the myriad we desire, and the rest we gotta look for somewhere else. Or do we?
Obviously, this notion is all well and good when talking about friendship. Say I've got two friends and one's my bar-hopping friend, and the other my shopping friend, they won't mind each other's existence. Not true in relationships, though.
Now, the monogamous answer is, of course, compromise. You figure out what you're getting and what you're not, and then you compromise. But what I'm wondering is, how honest can you get when answering the question:
And how much are we willing to forego for fear of ending up alone? Or just lonely. Because often, if you look at people, you see them sacrificing essential aspects of themselves, for people not worth sacrificing for, and they do it because of that one fear. The terror of being alone which haunts all of our darkest nightmares.
So then, this begs the question, wouldn't you be better off taking the advice quoted above, and look for the missing pieces elsewhere? Now, the most obvious example of this is, naturally, sex. When people aren't sexually content in their relationship, they fulfill that desire elsewhere. But what of those that are harder to fulfill? How doable would it be to "cheat" on a partner by getting emotional support, or listening, or adventure, or laughs, or whatever it is you're not getting from someone else? And why is it we don't consider that cheating, in the first place? Seems to be, it's a whole lot worse if some guy's uncovering your girlfriend's deepest, darkest fears and desires, than if he's putting his dick in her, you know? Just a thought.
Somewhere, this question swerves into waiting for someone better. Because, logically, if some needs aren't being met in a relationship, there's always the option to leave and look for one that does meet your needs. But what if someone better never comes along? What if you should've stayed and compromised, but instead you let go?
So I guess the question is - how do you decide what's worth compromising over and foregoing, and what you need to stand up for? You stay or you go, you compromise or you don't - but what are the deciding factors? For you, at least?