As I have pointed out in some former German articles I'm with some extra which includes Asperger's syndrome but (in my eyes) is not limited to that. Maybe that's why I fail to get a long with existing therapy options, I don't know.
However, I have to admit that I'm thinking about why I'm different, why I fail to life "normally", for quite a long time (20+ years).
Within the last few months my parents started to talk about my former brother-in-law as a person suffering from a mental disorder.
Despite having small kids, my sister and he are living apart for quite some time. Finally he has agreed to divorce my sister.
Sadly, the situation is straining the kids' mental health. My parents are much closer since it's easier for them to travel to my sister's location. I'm told some of the details but only second-handedly.
And this is where their rumours about his mental health come in.
Those rumours who make me silently questioning myself whether it's rather them "suffering" from the referred mental health issue.
A question of which I never talk when they are around and which cannot discuss with other family members either.
I have turned 41 this week.
And I didn't question their advise to go to bed before midnight the last night when I visited them this very week.
I had my guesses about what was wrong now and then before.
But finding an article about how adult women don't get off a general feeling of insecurity and being minor really hit me.
Just that question how many decisions of the last 20 years you have made up yourself.
I'm at a point in life where I cannot accept being minorized any longer.
Because some people I depend on just do not care about my feelings and I don't know how to solve that.
All women in the mentioned article did not find a way from the compensatory behaviour. One was in her sixties.
Could that be the missing puzzle piece explaining my social issues?
I'm just so unsure.
As always.
Did I already mention that I'm afraid of the future?