What is redefining and living words to me? For starts, it is not 6th grade grammar class. For me, it is being the creator of what and how I live, accomplished through redefining the way I am currently living with the use of words.
I am currently redefining and living the word ‘serious’. This is my update, progress and realizations after having already explored the word and redefined it. I am now in the process of pushing myself to live this new definition.
Here is a recap of my new definition:
“To be more open and flexible with how I view serious issues, to take a step back and seriously consider the input or insight of another. To then work together where possible to find the best possible solution.
New definition:
Serious: To be sincere and earnest with no IOU’s (expectations).”
So far, redefining and living words has been a process of personal growth and self-discovery for me, which comes from looking at how I live. I am no longer watching my life as a passive observer, but living it as an active participant. What I mean by active participant is one that works with the life force within to create something more or greater; to intervene within myself in awareness, deliberately, with purpose and intent. When we simply observe and watch our time go by we end up allowing ourselves to be carried along by the current of daily life. What happens is that we miss actually getting to know the depths of ourselves for real.
In looking at what has been coming up within me in relation to the word ‘serious’, and how and why I had been living it the way I had, so much more is coming up within me than just serious issues or topics of conversation. It has had to do with deep seated insecurities and a lack of self-trust that I had been neglecting to develop within myself.
For example, I noticed that when I am going into this ‘serious mode’, it is because I feel a pressure or energy in my solar plexus. This pressure acts like a wall blocking my natural expression of lightheartedness and enjoyment to come through. I have now begun to look at this pressure/energy/wall to see what it is and how I am creating it.
As I realized in my re-definition, I have been living in such a way where I become too attached to certain outcomes when and as I am asking for something personal. For this dimension, I have been taking a moment for myself before asking, in order to look within myself to show myself that I can stand and remain stable whether my request is granted or not. I see that I had been taking it personally when I really want something that is not granted. It is as if I subconsciously felt that things were being withheld from me intentionally due to uncaring or neglect coming from the other person. This is obviously not so, and in letting go of this pattern, I have been able to remain stable upon receiving a ‘no’, and been able to let it go instead of pushing it down and suppressing it. Now I have begun to instead live the self-care and self-attention to look at my requests and actually speak them and talk them through with another.
Often times I have found that it wasn't so much about the request or thing I wanted, but rather I simply needed to express something, to talk it out and gain understanding between myself and another. I have noticed the desire to have, do or get something nearly disappears once I have attained a mutual understanding with another. This suppression/waiting/not speaking had also been causing me to have such a ‘serious’ demeanor, as I was neglecting myself and my wants or needs
The suppression dimension is also something I have been looking at. I have changed the way I handle what I had previously defined as ‘serious’ topics. If I speak them sooner, they can come up as more casual conversation. When I wait and hold them in due to fear of how the other may react, I end up turning them into heavy and sombre issues that now require ‘very serious discussion’. I see now that this is unnecessary, and most issues I had previously defined as ‘very serious’, can be talked about openly and casually, even laughing and joking around a bit, without losing any importance of the issue itself.
The other dimension I have been looking at is the ‘over-thinking, over-worrying’ aspects within myself. This also causes an underlying anxiety that prevents me from being able to live lightly and in the moment. This is where I have been pushing myself to develop my self-trust. When I catch myself worrying about situations or events that are still in the future, I stop and take a step back. I remind myself that the event is not here now, so there is no point in imagining all the different outcomes. There is a certain amount of planning that can be done, but other than that, I have been pushing myself to realize that I will be able to handle any issue that does arise, if it even arises at all.
In terms of worrying about others in the moment, I have been taking this back to myself, as “worrying” or concerning myself instead with my own comfort, enjoyment and well-being first, and allowing others to speak up if they need something from me.
I found I had been spending too much time worrying about others, and no time at all asking myself if I am okay. Now I look at myself and do a once-over in terms of asking myself if I am speaking up for myself and my preferences. Am I giving myself the time to do the things I want or need to do, and if not, then I push myself to do it. In letting go of desired outcomes and expectations, it is easier for me to look at these things, because if they are not possible, I can let it go for the moment and pick it up again later without having it looming over me like a weight or a pressure.
I will still consider others, but in giving others the benefit of the doubt that they will let it be known if something is needed, it frees me up to be able to enjoy my time with them while making sure I am okay and taking care of myself. This also allows me to see and hear more of them, and experience a higher quality of interaction in the time we spend together.
This is not a black-and-white rule, so each situation is walked in the moment, but checking myself first has been a very cool weight off, and I am also now getting the personal care and attention that I had been looking to others to give me for so long.
Exploring the word ‘serious’ has been quite an awesome journey for me thus far! In having re-defined it and now begun pushing myself to live it, I have been enjoying a higher quality of interaction with my friends and family. I will conclude in my next blog within my process of redefining and living the word ‘serious’.
If you would like to see more people sharing their experiences with this process, check out the following links:
Redefining and Living Words
Redefining and Living Words with SOUL
Self Perfection Interviews
Learning Self-Mastery