Hiya folks! @lemony-cricket here, and I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
What on Earth are you kvetching about this time?
No, I'm serious. This isn't a post about how I am fed up with the latest cringey overreaction. It's not an expression of frustration at people who, having all their basic needs met by our technologically advanced society, must now spend their days searching for the next thing to find Problematic®.
Problematic® is a registered trademark of Tumblr and Oath, Inc.
I actually literally want to find another planet to live on, and it has nothing to do with how this place is filled with people who have forgotten what it's like to have real fucking problems. I can deal with the fact that people are now crying foul about cartoon rabbits doing cartoon rabbit things.
It sounds like it is about that stuff, though.
You're not paying attention. I said this had nothing to do with the rabbit thing.
What rabbit thing?
Ugh. I don't want to talk about it. I wanted to talk about how I can't wait to colonise Mars. I wanted to lay out my blueprints for our escape from this dump heap we've made, so we can go on and find the next place to ruin. Wouldn't you rather hear about how some Internet nerd can't wait to leave its forever-alone life on Earth behind for a lifetime of space adventures?
No.
Don't you want to hear my dreams of space stations? My opinions on Dyson spheres? We could talk about the growing confidence in the feasibility of warp drives, the likelihood of contact with a superior but benevolent alien race...
Nope. The rabbit thing.
Fine. The rabbit thing it is, then. The rabbit thing is.... this:
Embedded from YouTube: "'Peter Rabbit' Allergy Scene Slammed", ET Canada (fair use)
What the hell?
Precisely. What the hell indeed, dear reader. What the hell, indeed.
In case you don't feel like watching a video today, I'll sum up the situation. In this family-friendly action-comedy adaptation of Beatrix Potter's The Tale of Peter Rabbit, the mischievous rabbits are attempting to defend themselves from certain death at the hands of one Farmer McGregor.
It is at this point that the rabbits decide to take advantage of his blackberry allergy by launching one straight into his mouth and sending him into anaphylactic shock, foiling his plan to murder them in cold blood. He soon finds relief from his Epi-Pen. Crisis averted, right? Unless you're these guys:
Screenshot taken from Change.org
Allergy bullying? An innocent allergic individual? The guy spends half the movie trying to murder the rabbits with gardening implements. Now, will someone please, please fire up the rockets? I've got places to be. Quickly. 🍋
How to get an upvote from me today: Do you agree that the recreationally offended have gone too far? Think they actually have a point? Share my dreams of leaving this world behind? Think I'm an insensitive prick? All comments are welcome.