This is my personal experience that I use as a coping mechanism whenever I’m stuck with a narcissistic person.
It all begins with praise, they will lure you in by admiring your qualities like you have never felt before. They will be all over you and you will enjoy every moment of it. Especially if you lack that in other areas of your life. Especially if you lacked it when you were small. Then they will start to bend your boundaries, asking you to do the things that you don’t want to do, playing the I’m so incapable of doing anything on my own card. If you have a Rescuer (Karpman’s triangle) in you, you will fall for it. If the only way you use to get attention, admiration, praise, support by doing things that you have been told to or things that you never wanted to do, you are stuck in their web. And the more you bend your own boundaries the worse it will get. However there is a way out- you can listen to your inner self, especially your anger. It will be tougher if your anger is locked by cultural or traditional parental messages- aka Don’t be angry, girls cant behave this or that way, boy, you must be a man, you must be stronger then the woman, and many many many other things interlinked with your true self. The prohibited feelings will call out through your body, if you pay attention- that tension in your neck after you have spoke to your boss might be your body calling out for help. Sometimes rage is locked in a form of pressure and will manifest itself as a high blood pressure and decrease of sight. Sometimes it might be a feeling of a pit in your stomach, don’t ignore it, it’s calling out for your help.
The next step is a choice. You can ether act out in a reactive way, and fight for what you believe or you can choose to leave. But there is also the Adult way- this doesn’t mean that you have to ignore yourself. This means you have a choice how to react. Sometimes you can ask for someone’s help and redirect the narcissist attention. You don’t have to fight all the battles alone. And you don’t have to face all the struggles on your own.
Sometimes you have to choose to block the narcissist completely. And yes, this can mean that you have to block your own mother. Because nothing you do will change the way your relationship is developing. Majority of narcissist are stuck at their age of trauma, and the development of their emotional self stopped with it. If you have it in you, talk like you are talking to a 5-8 year old. Simple, direct and without emotional involvement.
Last thing learn to say “No”. To yourself and to the others. It will make your life easier. Yes, you will loose people, but believe me you, the once that will leave are the ones who wanted to use you. Cleanse is good, even though it can hurt sometimes.
Ok pretty much it. Heck have to admit just this week I had to say goodbye to quite a few people. And honestly, even though it wasn’t easy, I got up once again.
Have an awesome week guys.
