Few days ago I’ve read an article on modern sadists, Marquise De Sade reincarnations. Now the article described primarily the sadists as they are, hiding behind screens, ghosting, blocking, going unbelievable lengths at getting the victim trapped and then stirring them up in order to get the emotional response. Been through this one? Heck, I have. Didn’t know back then what the hell was going on, as most women do, and no psychological or psychiatric background can help- because everything starts normal. A boy meets girl, they go out, they date, and then the guy disappears. And all you are left with is a bunch of questions and hopefully a strong sense of confidence to know that it’s not you its him. Then the boy might return, then disappear and the cycle goes on and on. Until you embrace the fact that this person is loco and you have to cut him out of your life.
Lets look at this effect from another perspective. What if you do have dents in your confidence, what if you have a past that had violence or abuse in it? What if you are still getting back on your feet after some emotional turmoil where you felt low? Then you might be the perfect victim. On the other hand you can have all your ducks in the row and still be approached by such a malignant person. Why is that? Their ego. Simply having you as a proof of their worthiness, as a plug for their pain or inability to sense that pain, fear, anger and what not. Majority of modern sadist are incapable of feeling true feelings, embrace their emotions or being intimate. Their traumas happened when they were kids and there is a way out through a long therapy process but they must want to go through it. Otherwise no kind heart can save them.
Now, what can you actually do after you have kicked them out of your life, and please do that, majority of sadists keep on returning over and over again. For years. You don’t want that.
If you feel like this relationship did affect you: a- self-therapy or actual therapy. Getting back that confidence will take time and if a relationship did affect you, you might still have something in your past that needs healing. Take all the time that you need. My personal favorite method for the therapy was writing letters, expressing all my feelings. You start one and you don’t stop until you feel like your bucket of tears is empty. There is one point- if you have started writing a letter to one person and then for some reason switched to a completely different persona, go with the flow. You are in the zone of your primary trauma. Let it out. And then burn the damn letter☺
Second point- fill your life with things that make you happy. Actually happy- boozing up on weekends isn’t the perfect option, it will only make you groggy and anxious. Don’t drink down your feelings. Find a new hobby, volunteer, write poems. What ever rocks your boat- do that.
Last thing- talk about it as much as you want. Yep, your friends might hate you at some point, but the more you share your experience the less shame you will feel (if you have that trap in you). Everyone makes a mistake one time or another. And accepting yourself when you made a bad judgment call is a primary cure, it can happen to anyone. Forgive yourself for it. This is the time when it’s not you, it’s them. You are good, even if you made this mistake. You can be happy and have a healthy relationship. You can regain that trust in your own gut, logic and self-respect.
Ok, if anyone wants more tips and tricks, you are more then welcome to ask- will share everything I know.
Take care guys.
M
