This can be an ambivalent situation. On one side, if you enjoy being with someone who constantly entertains you, shows their excitement, shows care only to see your appreciation, but doesn’t care how you really feel about the type of care they give you are golden. It can be a fun experience, if you are light hearted and don’t care too much for things to be exactly as you want them too. They do enjoy praise, loads of it, in fact if you have demonstrative character, they will amp up the volume of their actions. At the same time there is a domination going on- I know what’s best, I know what you need, I know better. Up for this?
However there is a darker side. If you will stop praising them, you will be attacked. First smooth “you ain’t so great”, “smile for me” while you are feeling down, and other acidy comments if you aren’t feeling or showing what he wants to see. There can be only one star in the sky, is pretty much their motto. At the same time they can be proud to be next to someone who achieved a lot, who has their own thing, as long as it doesn’t interfere with their life and plans. They should come first. Otherwise they might go toxic or search for their fuel somewhere else, without caring what you feel about it.
The worst thing you can do to them, is put them in a situation where they will be ashamed, of not knowing something, of feeling less but the best, of not having your constant support in whatever they are doing. Narcissists are afraid of their “worthlessness” and “shame on top of an empty pit”. Both come from a childhood, when they were shamed for not performing good enough, according to their parental figures, and for showing their true feelings, which were labeled as weakness. In therapy it takes a long time to heal these wounds, to go through the shame of being who they truly are, and relearning how to fill up their emptiness on their own. Not that many narcissists are ready to go through this, and not that many therapist are willing to work with them. Honestly I had a successful experience with a narcissist once, but to me it was an emotional burn out, to the point where I was ready to give up my carrier. The amount of discounting, broken boundaries, and attacks are infinite, and working with them requires all the support that you can get- supervisions, your own therapist, family and friends. It can be a tough job, but in the end if they are ready to go all the way, they do get their feelings back, stop using other people for emotional fulfillment and build pretty happy families.
So the choice is yours, but please do take care of yourself, and do put yourself first. As entertaining as this relationship can be, it can also be emotionally draining and toxic.
Have an awesome day guys.
