I’m am the worst of the worse, who would love me?! Ever heard this one before? A key pick up line of the inverted narcissistic person.
Often deeply traumatized, primarily by maternal parental figures, but opposite in behavioral patterns to typical narcissists, who hide their issues, inverted narcissists develops a set of defenses - using their trauma and experience as something to be proud of. A lot of them have physical manageable conditions, that they hold on to, instead of fixing them. Main reason- will loose my individuality (or uniqueness) by fixing the issue. They find no joy in the idea that their life can be much better, and hold on to the victims position (Karpman’s triangle).
Who do they attract and want to be with? Women or man used to rescue, save them from the pain of previous rejection, being misunderstood and left behind. If you walk away from them, they will say that they did everything for you but you are such an ungrateful person. Their love, especially for Ukrainian versions, is measured by materialistic things, not emotional and caring gestures. Sometimes you might feel like they are buying your care. In my personal experience- oh damn, this one was a roller coaster- the guy was going mad and envious of my clients. Exact phrase “How much should I pay you, so you will spend your mind, time an energy on me. I deserve more help, then they do. I’m in more pain then they are. And you are just a cold hearted B””” for not doing as I say”. Heck, that was the end of it.
Look, there aren’t that many pure evil people in this world, there is always a grey area. When inverted narcissists do want to fix their issue, they do just so. But for inverted narcissist the hardest thing is to embrace the reality that what they give to their partner isn’t exactly healthy and it’s actually them who need to change. Often you can hear them blaming their past for every single action they are doing right now “My parents told me to do it this way. It’s a tradition.” Etc. taking responsibility and considering that there might be other options takes years in their case.
So, to sum this whole thing up. If you are truly caring, genuine person, always watch your back and care about yourself. Empathetic people do get involved with narcissists and inverted narcissists quite often. Look for the signs if something feels wrong, listen and walk away without feeling guilty for not saving someone. Not your responsibility!
If you are an inverted narcissist and know about it, and actually want to have a healthy relationship without constant battles and struggles, go for therapy. It’s your job to be a person who can be datable. It’s your job to take care of your own happiness. Compensatory marriages do work until the supportive partner has enough and walks out. And they have a right to do so.
Ok this is pretty much it. And as for my experience, as far as I have heard they guy talks about me in a past tense as if I died. Oh well, thank god for that☺
Take care of yourself guys and have an amazing day.
