This is the story of my personal battles with Drink, Drugs & Drama and how I used my dysfunctional childhood as an excuse to behave like an idiot and treat everyone around me like shit.

Drama.

I had a lot of drama in my life from a very early age, my first ever childhood memory was of me and my older brother hiding under the coffee table holding on to each other whilst Dad was beating our Mum, I remember things flying around the room, the screams and the sound of broken glass as if it was yesterday.

For some reason I don't remember much of my childhood, there must have been some good memories, but I only remember the bad ones, like having to go and live with my Dad a few years after they split up.

This was without a doubt the most lonely and fearful part of my childhood, I remember one morning getting a lift to school in his taxi and he asked me if I had brushed my teeth, I couldn't remember if I had or not so I just said yes, he must of known that I didn't and that's when he called me a f'king liar and smashed me around the head so hard that everything went black for a few seconds, I could hear a ringing noise in my ears for about 10 minutes afterwards.

Another time we went to the park with some friends of his, we had a kite in a bag and as I was trying to get it out I accidentally broke one of the wooden parts to the frame, I knew I would get a beating for this so I put it back in the bag a acted like nothing happened.

About 20 minutes later my Dad went to get the kite out, he pulled out the broken part and looked straight at me, I could see the rage building up in his eyes, at the same time this fear and adrenaline rushed through my body, my heart was pumping and I was so scared that I wet myself, I closed my eyes but nothing happened, when I opened them I saw the way my Dads friend looked at my wet trousers, then at the fear in my eyes and then at my Dad. I counted myself lucky on his occasion.

I didn't know it at the time but this fear that I saw as a weakness for so many years actually became my strength, with fear comes hatred and anger, and many years later this man that made me fear so much would eventually know what it felt like to fear me.

One day my Mum turned up at that door and rescued me, she had met a new man and we all went to go and live at his house, shortly after this I got put into care and became even more secluded and angry.

My older brother used to always pick on me and humiliate me in front of his friends, I suppose this was his birthright being the eldest, and even though I was in care I still used to hang around with my brother James all the time, on one of these occasions when I was about 13yrs old my brothers friends decided they wanted to see who would win a fight out of me and James, my brother saw this as an opportunity to show his friends how tough he was and stood up, I knew I was about to get another beating so I got up too.

This time was different to all the others because the mixture of fear hatred and anger inside me boiled together, and suddenly out of nowhere I leaped into the air like a superhero and came down on my brother like a ton of bricks, he never knew what hit him and I somehow had the courage to keep fighting him till he said the words............OK STOP!!!!!

Wow, I couldn't believe it, after all these years I finally beat my brother in a fight, my arch rival was reduced to nothing but a mere mortal, now all of a sudden I had the superpowers, this feeling of joy was quickly replaced with one of guilt, he was after all my brother and even after all those years of being on the receiving end, it didn't feel good to see my brother like this. I didn't realize at the time but this was the turning point for me.

After beating my brother who was 2 years older that me, I noticed I got a lot more respect, I noticed people were more wary of me, this was the start of my reputation as a tough guy. This was the beginning of my downfall.

Drugs & Drama.

Drugs started to become a big part of my life, it was harmless at first as I never really had any money. The local drug dealer was an Italian called Marco who was about 21 at the time, he had a bad reputation and everyone was scared of him, I used to get weed off him all the time and I ended up owing him about £45 and couldn't pay it so he was after me, word on the street was he was gonna stab me so I was a bit wary.

One night me, James and my foster brothers were having a session at my foster parents house, we had been taking some ecstasy and a bit of coke, it was about 2: am and we had no cigarettes so, me James and my foster brother went to the 24hr shop, while we were inside my brother noticed Marco was outside with another 30 of his gang with him.

All of a sudden that same feeling I used to get when living at my Dads rushed through my body, we tried to sneak out and hoped they hadn't seen us, we made it to the other side of the road when I heard one of his gang shout out my name, I turned around to see them all walking towards us, I didn't want my brothers getting hurt so I told them to run back and wait for me at the house, I convinced them that I would run in the other direction so that Marco and his gang would follow me, and that I would out run them and meet them back at the house, they believed me and ran home.

I turned around and saw they were still coming, then all of a sudden this fear hatred and anger boiled up inside me and I ran straight towards them..........

To be continued........