Thinking has been my default mode for so long, I almost don't know how to stop.
How has it taken me so long to realize that I have become an addict?
I've become accustomed to sabotaging myself with thoughts the same way an alcoholic will abuse a bottle.
The same way you make excuses for your guilty pleasures, your secret affairs, your indulgences.
I've been engaging in cerebral masturbation in order to put myself under the illusion of control.
So I've decided to prove to myself that I don't need you
I need to put you in your place.
I need you working in harmony with my heart.
With my surroundings.
I've got the life of my dreams sitting there waiting for me and holding on to you is the only thing that has held me back.
I blamed the world and I've blamed myself but really, I've just been thinking too much.
It's all just waiting for me.
A world where there is no contradiction between freedom and stability.
Where I can heal others without sacrificing myself.
Where the universe responds to my callings
Where we work in harmony to create this beautiful art called life.
Anyway, just a way to remind myself.