It surprised me to have a flash of clarity mid-flight, but there it was. 2amish, midway through a SERIOUSLY uncomfortable flight between Stockholm in Sweden and Bangkok in Thailand - 11.5 hours of hell in an over-full plane in an economy-class seat wedged in unpleasantly tightly next to a very overweight man whose butt cheek and leg intruded significantly on my personal space. Did I mention snoring and body odor? His, silly, not mine. 🤣 I didn't sleep a wink.
How is it POSSIBLE to have 987 great new Hive images in my shiny new phone and a minimum of 43 blog posts in the drafts folder but not have actually POSTED anything??
The answer just popped in to my head, mid-uncomfortable-wriggle.
Emotional turbulence.
I suddenly UNDERSTOOD that I personally need to be solid in my immediate personal world before I commit pen to paper. And that I need a lot of empty space for that emotional turmoil to settle.
I've been on one heck of a journey these past 5 weeks. Chiang Mai to Bangkok in Thailand, followed by 2 weeks in Cyprus - beach time holiday. I had no issue posting while I was in Cyprus since I was in holiday mode and the reality of the real business of my trip had not yet completely sunk in. The following 3 weeks in the Netherlands was another story. I connected with my extended Dutch family in a big way after 22 years, primarily to make sure my only daughter has a safety net while she is at university in Holland for the next 4 years. We ate, drank, talked and did a whole host of boring practical things, like teaching my daughter how to ride the metro and manage on a daily basis in a surprisingly non-English culture that is not all-that-friendly to "buitelanders" (out-of-our-land-dwellers) despite most-everyone speaking English pretty well.
I just completely ran out of puff, processing each day, trying to remain pleasant and also trying to work out how my life will look back here in Thailand, completely alone again.
But sitting there in the middle of the night somewhere over the Middle East, I had a thought about why travel and visiting with people is particularly exhausting for introverts. Which led to guilt about my inability to absorb any more "new" of anything, such as finally getting around to physically meeting @karinxxl. (Sorry!) Which led me to think about my Hive drafts folder and its accumulated posts-in-process. Which led to me UNDERSTANDING (finally!) that the calm covid years of being at home alone were hugely conducive to me blogging super regularly, because I had so much time and space to process.
No one ever promised "Know Thyself" came with age. 😆
In the 24 hours since I returned home to Chiang Mai (sadly MINUS my luggage, which is still in Sweden apparently, and after a missed connection in BKK due to an airline actually departing ahead of schedule 🙄) Having no luggage to unpack meant no laundry. 😂 And so I've had some wonderful quality alone time. I pottered, pondered life without my girl around, got reacquainted with our kitty-cat, soaked in the bath, cooked and bathed in silence before a sensationally-restoring 10 hour sleep. I came to the office today only to discover 2 of our staff have Covid and the rest of the team is at home "just in case", and so I have the office to myself this Wednesday morning. 😊 And more wonderfully quiet space to reflect and ponder and let things settle. And in that quiet place today, I suddenly feel free to post.. Finally. 😁
Ironically one of my key tasks today is to find flights and book my next trip to Europe for Christmas. 😆 @karinxxl - I'm house-dog sitting ALONE in Berkel en Rodenrijs (just near Rotterdam) from about 19th to 24th December, after which Ploi will join me for the Christmas days, and then she and I will have a week away somewhere nice together - maybe Berlin, or Paris or Zurich. So all is not lost in terms of meeting - just delayed a weeny bit. We leave the day after the relatives return from Spain.
I HAVE LEARNED that staying with relatives (and their expectations and quirky habits) is not really for me. 🤣 Generous and money saving, to be sure, and was GREAT for my girl this time to connect intimately with her new safety net. Grateful and we were spoiled and pampered and saved a small fortune. But I NEED the quiet anonymity of a budget hotel room and the freedom from endless prattle and conversation.
And so I am one step closer to being a better blogger and more effective-successful on Hive. And one step closer to being more productive on all fronts by a new understanding of what I personally need to thrive.
BlissednBlessed
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