It was the first day of school and I'm excited because my summer vacation was a bummer. I'm super giddy to see my friends and classmates. Oh, wow! How time flies. In a blink of an eye we're already in Junior High. The last 2 years in High School felt like a dream to me... or I'm a zombie (awake but no brain haha). They say High School is the best time in schooling but for me, they were the most dry school years of my life. I hoped that Junior High will be different and yes, the universe conspired and granted my wish...
Start of formal lectures after a week, my teachers made a seating chart for the class. Of course, just like last year, it will be an alternate boy-girl sitting arrangement. What I like about my Junior year was that there are new faces. They are not new students but it is my first time to be classmates with them since for the last 2 years they were from a different section.
"Buhia."
My teacher called me and pointed in a chair next to the right wall in the second row. I took my sit and didn't care about the whole vigil of seating arrangement when someone sat beside me. He was not really that striking but some girls like him and I don't know why. No really, I don't know because it was my first time meeting him. His name was Joseph.
At first, Joseph and I didn't hit it off because he was haughty, boastful and feelingero. Well, what do I expect? He's a basketball varsity player that is used to being swoon by girls (yes, girls are the ones who are making moves to him). Well, I never expected a friendship to blossom since we are total opposites - I'm a nerd and he's a popular varsity player. But when we're on the second quarter of school year, the air suddenly changed between us and I found myself laughing in all of his antics, even caught by his charm.
Third quarter happened and I was so happy faith made us seatmates. I felt very thankful to my teachers because they preferred this kind of seating arrangement and even opt for boy-girl partnership in most of their activities (Hint: Who is your seatmate that's your partner).
Then came Christmas. We are now closer than ever and I felt something for him at this time. We talk so much and even greet each other outside classrooms which is weird for some. What's funny is that at this point, our girl classmates who are in-denial of liking him but really liked him are suddenly talking to me and wanting to be friends. I don't know maybe they want some scoop on his love life. I was right by the way that that is their intention because we mostly talked about him. So going back to Christmas, we of course have our Christmas party which means gift-giving. I bought a gift for him but I never gave it because I thought it will be too obvious if I gave him something. My friends might teased me if they found out too so I opt to just give it to him after Christmas break. My gift is a watch but not that expensive because duh, I'm still on allowance.
Well, I thought everything will go well between us. And yes, I even fantasized for us to have a relationship but that didn't happen because I guess I am not good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough or even strong enough for him. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the part where my heart shattered to pieces and no one was there to pick them up. The part where I felt like shit and assuming too much that it gives me headache and heartache. This is the part where I confirmed that I am out of his league...
We just came back from vacation. I was so excited to see him. During the Christmas break, I thought we became closer because we text each other almost everyday. Classes started again and everything is normal until I notice Joseph standing up when there is no teacher and heading to the back. He was always talking to the girl named Gail and always sitting beside him. Then came lunch break, one of the girls who also happened to be my friend confirmed the bad news: Gail and Joseph are now in a relatiinship. I laughed and smiled but deep inside, my heart is being stabbed into million pieces. I have always thought we had a mutual undestanding. I said "good for them" but I know I want them both to break up. I hate it.
I was looking for a chance to talk to him so when there is no teacher for our next subject, I grabbed the opportunity.
"So, you and Gail huh?" I asked him.
"Yeah," that was his reply.
"Well, congratulations."
"I'm sorry Em."
"Sorry for what?"
"For leading you on... I know we had an understanding but I guess Gail just... Everything happened so fast you know?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it. I understand," I said with a heavy heart.
"We're still friends right?" He asked.
"Of course, we are still friends, even bestfriends if you want."
"Thank you Em and I'm really sorry."
With this words he left and walke to the back of where Gail is seated.
I cried my heart out that time. It was actually the first time I had an MU with someone but it turns out I'm not good enough for him.
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Thank you for reading my Wasak story.
February 20, 2018
