I first saw her back when I was in second year high school. Yes, you read it right. Her name is Jen. She was a year older than me, a transferee on her third year. I saw her riding her motorcycle on the way to school. I thought she was cool.

While hanging out with a friend, I learned that my friend knew her and immediately, I asked my friend for her number. I texted her and luckily, she replied and we started texting from then on. We become friends fast and started hanging out during our breaks. Our classrooms are right next to each other. Mine is farther from the hallway so whenever I passed by their room, I would always smile and wave at her.

We were got closer. We started holding hands and got clingy to each other but we’re still friends. One of my classmates started courting her. I was envious. I wasn’t even sure of my sexuality back then. She started dating him and I started dating someone too.

We still texted each other but not that often. Months after we started dating other people, I told her that I miss her. She said she missed me too and said, it would have been better if we dated each other. And I was like, “WHAT???” I confessed that I like her and she did too. We eventually broke up with our boyfriends. We got together but kept our relationship a secret. Others would think that we’re just really close friends with the way we acted.

Years passed and she went to college to take up Political Science, her pre-law course, somewhere north. A year after, I went to Baguio to take up Dentistry. We both became busy with school. I wasn’t able to go back home because of that. She became distant. We barely talked. Until I learned that she was cheating on me. I asked her about it and she confirmed that she was seeing somebody else. It broke my heart. It was my very first heartbreak. I broke up with her. I was too mad at her for what she did. Days later, I told her that I wanted to become friends because I don’t want to lose my best friend. She agreed but I was too bitter. We both knew that things will never go back to the way it was before. She told me that maybe we weren’t ready to be together yet. We’re both young and immature. If there will be the time that we’ll see each other again, maybe we can try again.

With that said, I was hopeful that we’ll get back together. I was even willing to wait for her. It was hard moving on when a part of you was still hoping. It was also hard when you can’t talk to someone about it. Since we’re both in the closet, I can’t tell anyone about what happened. It resulted to me just crying on my bed every night and pretending that everything was fine during the day. It took me years to fully move on.

7 years after our break up, we met again.

After 7 years, I followed her in IG. Minutes later, I got a DM from her. She said she was about to take the Bar exam and that she was sorry for what she did before. We started talking again like nothing happened. Things just fell in to place from where we left off. We met up after the bar. She started working as a college professor at one of the colleges in our province and I was finishing up Dentistry.

Everything worked out fine. We went on dates. We were happy, until the results of the Bar came out. She failed. After she heard the news, she went straight to me. I didn’t know how to comfort her. I just hugged her while she cried herself to sleep. Everything went downhill. Her parents wanted her to get married to an old guy from abroad. They were in debt and they wanted her to go abroad to work and that’s the only way they thought of. I wanted to help her with finances but I can’t do much. I was only a student. I tried to assure her that everything will be okay.

Both our parents were against our relationship and that added to her stress that she even got hospitalized.

One day she just stopped replying to my messages and didn't answer my calls. I was worried that maybe something happened to her. I went to their house to see how she is. She just had a fight with her mom when I arrived there. She took her motorcycle and asked me to get in. She drove really fast, I was afraid we’ll get into an accident. She brought me to a basketball court somewhere in their town. She was just going to leave me there but I was clutching on the motorcycle for her not to leave. She said we need to break up and that she’s engaged. She wanted to have a family and have kids and I can’t give her that even though we talked about our plans in the future plenty of times. She said a lot of things that I know she just made up for me to leave but I wasn’t accepting it. I just stood there, still holding unto her motorcycle. I prayed that everything was just a dream but it wasn’t. I let go of her motorcycle and watched her as she left. I just stood there. I didn’t even cry. I called a friend to come and pick me up.

Everything sunk in when I got home. I cried for days and then I got tired of crying. I just shutdown. I was just in my bed doing nothing. Jen got married a month later, few days after my birthday. I would have fought for her if she let me but she chose to get married.

Walang forever!

Just kidding. I’m happy if she’s happy. She will always be my first love.

This is my entry to @tpkidkai's Wasak/Broken Hearted Writting Contest.
I had a hard time limiting it to 1000 words. 😅

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