Our character is not revealed when life shows its best, rather at its worst. During the time of my life when I suddenly met my greatest fear, my eyes were wide open realizing that these unfortunate experiences have arrived in order to know more ourselves. But do we know that our worst story is relevant to inspire hopeless lives too? Indeed a purpose!
### Dear friends,
I'm a young optimistic maiden who has caught an inspiration to poverty and bullying. My current life is very far from a woman whom I envisioned a successful one. I believed that being a successful one does not just literary mean I succeeded in my own career and receive my huge monthly e-cheque, but when health issues are not involved, one can do many things without barriers. Now, if I look myself in the mirror, I've seen a dim reflection, seeking translucent future of it. Do you know what I see? It's a ripped woman in pieces inside the glass. Did I just build castles in the air?
Before anything else, I'd like to share the half stories of my life. I grew up from a poor family in the countryside. My father was a hard worker with grains of dreams. He was very heroic that people took for granted. Once he made mistakes, he is being judged easily. Public service was never in my mother's desire, but he loved to help even his family has nothing to eat. He was very ambitious and generous, but behind his goodwill lied envious people that wanted to drag him down. My wide ears can often hear personages creating false issues against my family. It was a roaring betrayal because they were so good face to face. Envidia is a felony that leads to satanic plans. If your house is thrown rocks at night in midst of your slumber, what would you do? In the night, I suddenly planted hatred and vengeance. During my family's deep nap, every one of us was suddenly shaking with nervousness when the culprits threw rocks on our roof. There were many times that my father arrived home battered. There were many times my big brother arrived home cried because he was bullied by our adult neighbor through cursing my father's name repeatedly. There were many times I went back home crying because of my grader teacher and classmate's bullying, but when I told my story to my mother, she just does nothing but showed her sad eyes and turned around.
In high school, I am a shy and quiet girl and bullying was not new to me. My peers kenned I was a mountain girl, obviously because of my brown skin and freezy hair. I looked so anorexic. My high school teacher was one of my bullies because I was different. I never had the courage to talk with the city people because of my lowest self-esteem that I come from the mountain. In fact, during exams, I was always taken for granted. Their approaches to me changed. Because of me, my classmate was announced as the 1st honor in the class. When she became famous, she forgot me. They never knew how sad and teary eyed I was to disappoint my parents.
I was traumatized by those experiences before. I began to fear rejection and disillusionment. I fear to be bullied once again. I hate people who oppressed my family. I don't wanna experience that kind of life this time. I fear that what if I'll be sick and die, will I ever reach my dreams?
As I unwinded to our home's backyard beneath the tree, I suddenly walked like a drunken man when my right knee swelled and pained. In the following days, the stiffness in my kneecaps progressively moving to my other joints. I looked like a robot who can't move and eat. I was mentally relieved when my father said that their genetic lineage has rheumatoid arthritis. I consumed garlic, gemelina leaves, turmeric, and lemon as my natural home remedy. None of these worked on my joints. I tried MX3, herbal oils, and over the counter NSAIDs (Non-Steroidal Inflammatory Drugs), but a day after or a week of skipping to take them, my swelling and pain come back. So I took both nonsteroid and corticosteroid such as Cataflam and Dexamethasone, then I was healed, but not totally. I suffered many years of this ailment and it really stopped me. Suddenly, the doctor finds out I have a nerve inflammation.
"Why me, why?" my family hears me asking this as they see the big tears from my eyes. My head was shaking with confusion. I did not know what to do next since I heard the doctor's opinion. I was suicidal. Going back to a year ago, my father passed away in June. I lose the grains of dreams. For whom will I share my successes if soon I'll be okay? Then, my boyfriend who planned to marry me was gone like a bubble without saying anything.
I was very desperate. I forgot to value the remnants. I never realized that valuing those who love us is more important than our ambitions. This is my consequence for planting hatred and revenge in my heart for the Bible says in Romans 12:19:
"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord."
Even if we don't tell our plans to anyone, God will know it. He can read our minds. No secret is kept. If there are times that we ask many things for Him that we do not receive, surely because God knows it produces no good. If there are times that many people succeeded to reach their dreams in evil ways, it was not God who is behind the plan. It is the demon who tries hard to distract our faith.
Aside from inspiring low spirited people about my story, it also awakens my blinded eyes to know the real me. I hated people because, for me, they are evil, but can't be vengeance an evil too? Am I not evil for hating them?
Thank you @birjudanak for nominating me for this challenge.
This challenge "Art of knowing Yourself" challenge which is originally by @tamacvet
I'd like to nominate my sister @gina2017 and my friends @long888, summer14, and @jun2.
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