Sigh.
After feeling quite inspired and excited to go and record one of my songs yesterday, it sort of fell flat and never happened. Why?
Reasons.
Factors.
Neuroses.
Cowardice?
Essentially I performed my classic self-sabotage. I loosely bundled a musician friend in to my quest by exclaiming that I was feeling creatively motivated and then hoped that somehow they were going to help facilitate me to get something done. Unfortunately in my childish weakness Im unable to express this and so we spend the evening mucking about, doing a bit of jamming, having some food and talking philosophy. Which is all great. But no recording.
Thing is.... I already know that this is what happens. There are two ways I can feasibly get some recording done.
- Number one: do it alone
- Number two: Announce that I am conducting a recording session and invite people specifically, AND THEN, continue to lead the proceedings when we get there.
Problem is, these both require self belief and sometimes it just ain't there. Number one is easier but involves me being alone which doesnt quite tie in with my ideal creative scenario. However this is the one I should probably opt for as its far more likely to yield a result...and lets be honest.... WE'RE HERE TO GET RESULTS
again. sigh.
I often wish creativity was a nicer pursuit for me.
Maybe one day I will be crypto rich and i can just be one of those spoilt divas who gets to pay everyone to do what I need. I know its probably a hollow feeling...but it cant be any worse than being a weak little weasel who tries to telepathically trick their friends in to mothering them through creative hurdles. haha. This is why meditation is a better route for my brain than creativity. Its just a bit of an ego minefield.
Of course there's also the perfect middle ground....
Splinterlands!
ha. i love this gif. technically a neutral quest means you CANT use any neutral cards, so the furious chicken is forbidden... but....but.... just look at all the chickens!
anyway. here are some battle highlights of the day:
thaddius battles thaddius. thaddius is victorius! hoorah!
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_53b47a6365067207390b388c5c15d04d&ref=basilmarples
Neutral quest went by without many interesting battles so i carried on a bit to shoot for diamond III.
heres me getting wrecked by a level 3 baakjira
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_843179070fc2e2879faee41de1312c9c&ref=basilmarples
And then quix won back my honour with a speedy death squad in the little league ruleset
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_0640a5a90543f3a913c1cf7b51e4dcbc&ref=basilmarples
And this was probably my favourite of the day. The nectar queen getting missed a lot while my vulture eats up all the scraps. With some added speed, this is perfect in the non-magic ruleset
https://splinterlands.com?p=battle&id=sl_e2f8896f3f017797bfa2a896500653cb&ref=basilmarples
I didnt yet make it in to diamond, but Im certain Ill get there by the end of the season. Manyana perhaps...
Tomorrow Tomorrow
yeah yeah.... living in the future. What a tease!
Ive got a better word for you.
lets wake up right NOW.
Lets experience what is right here.
There is nothing verifiable beyond our experience.
Use the breath, relax the body
Ah man. I just wrote a whole load of good stuff and then somehow irreversibly deleted it. Sad.
I think I made some pretty good points about how my creative 'pursuit' would be far more enjoyable if I didnt turn it in to a 'pursuit' and instead just relaxed and enjoyed it while its there. I guess this is why I dont have much of an output, because actually I value my quality of life and my mental health more than the temporary fix of getting compliments or feeling proud of an achievement. The wheel has to keep spinning to feed the beast and frankly its quite exhausting for me.
Rest assured, my creativity happens as and when it happens, and its nourishing and fulfilling for me without me ever necessarily having anything to show for it. I can just relax and allow it to be or not be depending on the whims of the universe.
Stay pointy everyone
x
Basil