Ready for a cover song? This should be fun! I don’t think anything can go wrong, really, other than the fact I just called it a song and you shouldn’t be able to hear me singing. First things first - I better get to work on that title! I’m not changing ‘The I.R.S. Is Back’ - That part has to stay! It’s a spin on “The Freaks Come Out At Night” by Whodini. Notice how The (1) I.R.S. (3) Is Back (2) has six (6) syllables? The (1) Freaks Come Out (3) At Night (2) has the same six (6). But that doesn’t help me with the title. Right now, I have the middle like this: ‘Original Cover Lyrics’ which, we all know is false, I already covered the singing part. Or I covered that I didn’t cover the singing part. Or I already covered not singing a cover, whichever is the easiest part. The ‘COM Round #33‘ has to stay - It’s part of the rules laid out by the cool people over at #comedyopenmic. And let’s be honest - Twisting cover songs isn’t anything #new. Throwing a bunch of #tags in the opening paragraph, however, this is my first time! How do you think I should title this #comedy piece if all I’m doing is rewriting some Whodini lyrics? Ah, yes! “Rewriting some Whodini lyrics.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen of Steemit, is how we got the title for this post - Thanks for all your help! Now let’s get to the #fun part. Eh, real quick, thanks for the nomination @sivehead and thanks for having me again @comedyopenmic / @com-judge - Ya’all really know how to make sure I’m the only person I can hear laughing at my jokes. To show my silent appreciation, I’ll split the payout of this post with you.
In case you didn’t click that Whodini link back there, this is your last chance. The original lyrics are right here but I’ll be doing the extended version like Free Bird in 1973. I know, I know, I’ve name-dropped Whodini enough now, ya, ya, ok, I get it! And if you don’t know who the I.R.S. is, or, this is your first time reading about them, you need to know something: I Envy You! DJ! Drop the instrumental!
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Put your hands together with me..
:clap: :clap:
Clap with me ya’all!
:clap: :clap:
Now help me out with this chorus!
You readdyyyy?!?
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
I’ve been goin toe to toe with these mofo’s since two zero zero six.
It started one night in my kitchen doin dishes just mindin my own business.
I cleaned up the place started opening mail I found an letter from the I.R.S.
I thought ‘who? I never talked to these guys before, hmm... 🤔 I wonder what this is?’
Opened up the letter and read a bunch of threats seemed serious I gave em a call.
She said: “We’ve been tryin to find you for awhile dandays - Now we got you by the balls!”
Whhaaaaat?!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
She said when I worked in Texas way back I didn’t pay social security tax.
I said “Texas? Sorry, I’ve never worked in Texas, I think you’ve got the wrong guy ma’am.”
She admitted their mistake said the letter wasn’t mine but while she was in my ear.
“Prove all your write-offs! Your mileage! Your reported earnings! Any and all charities and donations for the last five years!!”
I said “what?! I don’t keep information that far back, what am I supposed to do???”
She got hostile with me “I don’t answer your questions tax payer I extort you!”
Oh Noo0Oooo!!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Enlisted an accountant started spreading out my branches collecting defense evidence.
Three years later they submitted! “Yes!” One for the little guy!! dandays beat those pricks.
I didn’t realize repercussions of a victory would put me in so much danger.
They shoved a magnifying glass so far up in my Aaaaannd here we are nine years later.
Hiding funds, fake addresses, cash pay and Debit cards are not in my name.
File married 99 taking everything that’s mine because two can play that game.
Fothamukkers! 🖕
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Didn’t pay a cent ran a balance to six figs over the next 5 years.
‘Just ignore em!’ Figured by the time they realize it I’ll be long gone from here.
Then one day my phone rang, it was Jill, “dandays?” “Yes, Jill, is that you?” She said “we’ve had our eye on you.”
It didn’t sound good I could hear it in her voice, “here’s what we’ll do:”
House lien, land lien, car, boat and everything
is a start but won’t be enough.
All your refunds are ours, we’re deducting your checks plus an extra 500 a month!
Ooohh, what! For real?!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
‘C’mon ya’all let me get a L!’ ”L!”
‘And what about an E?!’ “E!”
‘Can I get a V??’ “V!”
‘Now gimme a Y!’ “WHY?!?”
Most convenient gotta be 3k away in Honolulu boarding a plane.
Tried to check my bags got denied it seems I don’t have a dime to my name.
I hopped on my phone and wouldn’t you know my account reads zero point zero.
I called Jill, “Hello, Jill! Did you get my Christmas card? I’m in Hawaii, how am I supposed to get home?”
She said “swim or drown you haven’t paid a cent to my boss goin on five years.
You wanna get home?? I’m sure you do, or die on an island somewhere, we don’t care!”
She issued new installments returned my balance missed my flight but checked my bags.
Six hundred sixty bucks minimum pay a month and milked me for all I had!
AhhHHhhh.. So I filed Fixed/50!!
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Gave em 660 for less than a year then they offered up a new deal.
100 bucks a month ‘and still file fixed?! No way, are these guys for real?!’
I hopped on that plan accountant said it’s bad said they’re setting me up to fail.
‘It was 660 yesterday today it’s a hundred,’ whatever - “Check’s in the mail!”
The tab rallied back and I started thinking man that accountant warned me of this.
The Feds set me up I was back under their thumb racked back up to six figs.
I’ll never pay it off man I was feeling lost and the balance can’t be ignored.
My new tax guy, “offer in compromise,” just hide everything I’m like Busta Bust: “Gimme some more!”
“Yo’where I gotta sign at?! “Gimme’S’mo!”
“The I.R.S is back..
The I.R.S. is baaaccck.
The I.R.S. is... The I.R.S!
The I.R.S. is baaaacck.
The I.R.S. Is back.”
Six figures on the screen cleaned from history they agreed 13 hundred bucks.
I wrote a check said “overnight this thing, stat! I need it there tomorrow by lunch!”
Check cashed it’s a wrap, got me feeling free again I ain’t heard a word all year.
Then just the other day the mailman was like “hey dandays, it’s a certified letter from the Feds, I need you to sign right here.”
My heart sank no way they’re gonna renegotiate the deal they already made??
And whad’ya know it’s some interest from ‘08 that mysteriously missed the claim.
Another three hundred bucks supposedly is enough and they’ll leave me alone again.
:knock::knock::knock:
“Who is it?” “It’s me” the mailman said, “I’m back! Here, I’m going to need your signature in two places, once right here and then again right here, I’ll wait. Oh, and use this blue pen.”
Here we go Agaaaiin!
“The I.R.S. is baaaaaa...”
My 2 5 nominations are:
@sivehead. Safe to say you got nominated if I do something like this.
@amirtheawesome1. I’ve never seen you post an open mic - Nope! Not one time. Not daily, four times a day, nothing.
(In the event he doesn’t enter. Again. Or again.)
@doomsdaychassis. Show him there’s nothing to be afraid of - You got a meme for that? Priest Nigerian nightmare, I mean Holmes! I mean, Peace homes!
@surfyogi. #artzone sponsors comedy and I see you swing by when I do a comedy piece so.... “High! Nice to be seen again - You’re it!”
@sivehead. Really? You again, huh? 🤔 I have four nominations then, not five, I accidentally named you twice. Oh well - Have fun with two (2)!
Notice: The views and opinions expressed in this article are for the sake of comedy and entertainment purposes only and do not represent the views or opinions of the author. Quite the contrary, actually, I was just talking to the author and he told me to tell you he said it’s cool if I use this material and insert my username in random places but he wants you to know he’s a big fan of the I.R.S! Also, the whole extortion thing was just part of the joke, he said. Furthermore, he insisted I tell you his only concern with taxes is the dollar amount and they should take a hike! edit ‘They should be hiked’ is what he said. #inform. The End.
