Episode 1 is officially over!
Thus no more entries will be accepted as potential entries to decide the fate of the story. It was amazing to see all the entries that had come in. Tim really did have quite a few options for him out there on the highway.
To the contestants I say well done, you guys definitely showed me that you all have what it takes to keep on writing on this competition. We have to select one winner for Episode 1, but I saw potential in each one of your posts. If you did not win Episode 1, then there are still another 4 that you could potentially win!
And the winner is…
Congratulations to @jmcrouse for her entry of Episode 1!
Let’s have a quick look at how she got there:
She followed the objectives
To be honest almost everyone got full marks for this. There were 5 objectives and @jmcrouse followed them all:
• Tim must survive!
And so he did…
• At least one living person must die!
“Across the highway, the woman’s screams came to an abrupt halt.”
“As he watched, one group converged upon an unwary man who didn’t move fast enough, and the man went down screaming.”
• At least one zombie must be confronted and killed by Tim!
“The force of the blow almost took the top of its head off, and the body crumpled in a heap.”
• Use a makeshift weapon kill! Because guns don’t fall out of the sky and Tim does not have one on him!
“Tim swung the tire iron at the creature’s head like a batter going for a home run.”
• Make Tim move from there, even if just couple hundred yards/metres
“As Tim reached the street fronting the warehouse and turned right to follow it, he worked on a plan to get across Denver proper to Lakewood….”
Extra points
Further to this she gained the following positive points on her entry:
Tim was afraid and yet he was a hero.
“Even if that hand shook with a tremor he couldn’t quite control.”
“Tim turned to face the threat, buying them time.”
Common sense.
I am not going to quote here but the way that Tim moved. Still afraid and then in a resolute way collected his resources at the store. It speaks towards a real-life “what would you do?” scenario.
Plotting forward.
“His mouth went dry, thinking of Jacob and Alison.”
This section and the parts supporting it shows a bit of plotting that hints at building a narrative without breaking us out of the scene. A really wonderful way of getting it done.
We now know that Tim has two loved ones names Jacob and Alison. This is cold hard fact now… everyone needs to use this, even me.
This information was dropped in so open ended that it allows the other contestants to do what they want to for the next episode.
Negative points?
Does it seem as though I would be choosing @jmcrouse because she has great English, great description and generally is a hobbyist writer already? Not at all.
There were not many mistakes that I could deduct from her, but every one of the entries had negative marks. If I had written one myself there will always room to be improve and someone will stand on the outside and make these remarks.
Also, each one of the other contestants had their own POSITIVE marks that @jmcrouse did not get! That means that with a few alterations, someone else could have won! I have no doubt in my mind that the other 5 writers will have a shot at taking Episode 2.
Points critiqued from @jmcrouse
Tim never got hurt.
While this is not a requirement, there was no angst nor desperation to Tim’s condition. Tim does not need to get hurt by a Zombie. He could have been cut on the window or another obstacle. Or even the actual car crash that got him where he was. Tim walked away from that one without a scratch!
Throughout this piece Tim was breathless once and his mouth had gone dry. Haha!
So to give credit where it was due, @abhishekrawat had Tim go through a blood transfusion because of his injuries and @aideedavies had a struggle with a Zombie that included losing a finger and a self-amputation. This is horror and we need to see their style in upcoming DocumentZ Episodes!
Honorable mentions
Here are some, not all, of the positive points from other entries that I enjoyed. It was so difficult to not have these contestants win just because of these points. There best ones below:
Fracas has got a great sense of action. I liked it that Tim was an absolute badass in his story. He picked up the line dropped about military training and was the only one to have taken out a Zombie with close combat skills!
I would definitely like to see someone pick up on this good habit and well done to @fracasgrimm for that! A few negative points kept him from actually taking this first episode regardless of his reluctance to post once he saw other entries!
What I liked about this entry was the sense of fear and panic. Never mind that Abhi has a lot to improve on in his English writing (not being an English home language speaker). What showed up well was that he wanted to show fear amongst the survivors.
He also had a large collection of survivors that had quickly banded together and there was an escape planned and a mission to fulfil. A very good plot instrument that needs to be seen again in the future. We will work a little bit at a time and I will help Abhi with a few of his writing habits.
I already mentioned the missing finger, which was really good at making that reader worried. Another great part of her story was a total brutal death when the little girl got run over by a driver on the highway. Tim’s intention had been to save her but was denied!
Some other great points were some of the descriptions used and the internal inflection Tim had as the story progressed. I would just like to help her with how she presents these and it would really add to her entries and bring her victory.
Another entrant that had a good common sense. But what really popped in his writing was the gruesome and brutal details. His cabby lost an eye, there was blood everywhere in his entry, the zombie encounter with the old lady was terrifying and again horrific detail and blood. These are again some things I really wanted to happen for the winner.
He also showed good research ability and there were plot items that I am sad to see unused…
If it were not for a few negative marks that pulled his points down, there would have been another winner in that house.
Blood and gore was good and Tim got a slight injury. The strongest point that @aduragbemi made though was rapid resurrection. The other was the introduction of a single well defined side character. This is something I would like to see in the future as well.
In conclusion
Congratulations to all the contestants, it was all very entertaining.
Congratulations especially to @jmcrouse for her great entry in the competition.
This means that the story so far is:
Season 1
Episode 1 prompt
Episode 1 Entry Winner
Please make sure that you read them both in order to participate or just enjoy reading!
Don't start writing yet!
Please wait for the Episode 2 prompt to pop up and then begin writing.
I would like to keep it a week for these entries and after consideration, we may allow you to write slightly longer prompts. We had at least half the entries straining against the wordcount.
Until next time,
Regards
Zak Ludick (@zakludick)
