“My name is Mick and I’m a Blockfolio Addict”
Mick is a young man in his early twenties who has joined my mate Robbo’s Blockfolio addiction support group. It is run very similar to AA except Robbo thinks 12 steps takes too long so he has just 3 steps and he says he doesn’t want none of that god bullshit in there too, so he has adapted the program to suit the addicts or “legends” as he calls them.
I asked Robbo if I could sit in on a session and interview a few of the legends after the meeting.
So Mick how long have you been a BA (Blockfolio Addict)?
Around 6 months. I prefer the term Legend though, especially because I made massive gains jumping on NEO before all those other dumb pricks. After my coins started taking off for the moon I got a massive buzz out of refreshing my portfolio to see if I had made or lost money since I last refreshed it.
How has it affected your life?
Well it depends on if my portfolio goes up or down. If it goes up I’m the happiest legend in the world. I’m nice to the Mrs and I spend a lot of time sharing my portfolio legend status to my friends who didn’t buy NEO. If it goes down then all hell breaks loose, I’ve been known to kick the odd dog or throw my dinner across the room.
How often do you find yourself refreshing your portfolio?
Well you probably need to know every few minutes how you’re going and also you can set up the alerts at key buy and sell price points. Sometimes they go off at night which drives the Mrs a bit crazy. She doesn’t understand how important this is and how I’m just trying to set ourselves up for the future. Once I get the lambo and she gets all the latest handbags and I buy her a new set of DD tits she'll be pretty stoked!
What sort of things does she complain about?
Oh you know, all the normal Mrs stuff. Lots of nagging about things like “are you listening to me?” She also got the shits on that I don’t pay attention to Game of Thrones anymore and her biggest beef is that I refresh my blockfolio during sex. I think that last one is a bit unfair because I only do it when riding doggie style so I’m still, you know, in the zone but I’ll rest my phone on her back which she doesn’t like. One time however when NEO went on a 10% pump I actually came pretty early. She accused me of thinking about Sharon the hot chick from work but in all honesty all I could think about was my NEO coins and how much money they were worth.
Can you tell me about Robbo’s 3 step plan?
Yeah, so Robbo says the 3 steps back to normal life is delete your blockfolio, sell your crypto coins and start watching more porn.
What do you think of the 3 steps? Will it help?
Nah. Fuck that. Robbo’s a dickhead who doesn’t understand how crypto will make me enough cash to buy a lambo!