Well a lot of people talk about what they could have bought with their profits and how much they could have made, but if they were not as stupid as I was, chances are they did still walk away with the majority of their initial capital and in some cases, the majority of mine as well. Seeing that I bought everything at its highest point ETN @ .18 TRX @ .22 BCC @ $350.00 GBX @ $60.00 XVG @ .24 and so on, chances are I will never come close to breaking even. Sadly the $40,000 portfolio I once had, can now be reproduced for around $7000.
Though a part of me wants to find the $7000 and double down, after selling everything I owned -my car, my ATV, my electronics, my money to survive till next work season, along with maxing out everyone of my credit cards, I cant help but think how stupid I was. For about 2 weeks in December I spent every waking moment of my life selling things, and finding money to dump into something that just ended up be a never ending black hole. $5000 here $3000 there ... everyday I was spending more and more money on crypto, addicted like some drug addict on skid row.
Before this point I never use to invest my money - past the point of buying a house . I always knew that my luck was terrible and that I would have more fun enjoying my money through buying toys, than I would ever get from throwing it into a financial market. Sadly, in the last few weeks we have all seen that no one was excluded from this crash, it has affected crypto along with commodities and securities alike. So in retrospect, I would have been screwed nonetheless.
With this being said, I have fallen back on the crutch of self medicating to get me through this. Rarely making more than a few dollar more than minimum wage along with having a debilitating disability, the chances are I will never see that type of money again. For a while I contemplated suicide. There is nothing worse then having legions of people in the back ground saying I told you so... I told you it was a scam..... how can you be so stupid ? Exacerbating the pain that I feel every day from this. It almost seems like these people are celebrating my downfall, instead of helping me through it.
Though as I embark on my new journey - I am the process of renting out my entire house and plan to start living in my suv in the next few weeks, I cant help but think that it is only a matter of time before the voices in my head get the best of me. For all the crypto millionaires and autistic savants that played this market like a symphony, congratulations to you. For all the people on the bottom of the pyramid who were blinded by the myriad of videos pertaining to crypto on youtube and dtube, memorized by their offerings of large returns and financial freedom, I join you in your pain.
So in summation, how have I learned to cope through this process you may ask .... that is if anyone even reads this ? For one, I have learned to stop dreaming. Most of the things I want in this life are simply unattainable and in a round-about way, I have found comfort in this. Conversely, I have also decided to become a minimalist. In preparation into moving into a vehicle, I have thrown away or given away the majority of my possessions, truck load after truck load has made its way into local neighborhood dumpsters. Now the entirety of my life can almost fit snugly into the back of a mid size suv. Pretty good seeing I use to have a 4 bedroom house to my self. Lastly, I have stopped caring about money. It seems that someone out there really wants me to be poor for life. So rather than fight the powers that be, I have submitted to them. Welcome home.
