A little know savings program offered by crypto-currency exchange giant Poloniex, is helping customers realize returns on investment of up to 300% in as little as 6 weeks - whether they like it or not. In this article, Steemit user Infinite Monkey shares the secret of how you too can potentially earn outrageous sums of money on Poloniex.
"I first learned about this program when I made a mistake while transferring NEM (New Economy Movement) tokens to my Poloniex account," the oddly attractive Infinite Monkey said, "the trick was to find my way into Poloniex's support system. Once I needed help from a member of Poloniex's support staff, they did everything in their power to ignore me - despite my repeated cries for assistance - until my NEM deposit increased in value by 294%."
"When I opened my support ticket, little did I know I was going on a 6 week long adventure," Infinite Monkey continued, "here I was, making a simple mistake that any other exchange could have resolved in 5 minutes. But not at Poloniex. They ensure you don't get the help you need long enough for the crytpo currency market to multiply the value of your tokens dramatically."
When asked what his favorite feature of this new program, Infinite Monkey didn't hesitate to praise the "Trollbox". "I had my best experiences in the Trollbox, or as I like to call it, Satan's Chat Room. Imagine trying to chat with an administrator to get an update on your ticket status, while hundreds of investors simultaneously throw around crypto advice about which coins are going to moon and which coins are scams. It reminds me of the cage at the Central Park Zoo when my cousins and I would get into feces throwing contests. Ah, the good old days! I must have asked for help twice a week every week for 6 weeks, and each and every time, expert admins would thank me for my patience and ensure me they had forwarded my ticket to support for review. Little did I know, that cut/paste canned response was forcing me to earn additional return on my investment."
Does Infinite Monkey have any other advice for crypto currency investors looking to make big profits? "A lot of so-called crytpo-currency-visionaries, like Andreas Antonopolous, warn you about the dangers of 3rd party risk, usually with admonitions to keep your private keys to yourself. That's great advice if you want to have guaranteed access to your currency whenever you want and under your own terms," Infinite Monkey explained, "but if Mt. Gox announced they were reopening their doors, wouldn't you give them your keys if it meant a chance at 3X returns? I suppose you could try day trading, or ICOs, or mining, but now that I've seen what's possible, I say Poloniex can take my coins and hold them hostage anytime!"
To get involved in the Poloniex Compulsory Savings Program, all you need is a Poloniex account and time. Just go about your business making trades and transfers as you usually do. Eventually you'll make enough transactions that you'll run into a snag, and bingo, you're into the Poloniex Support system. Once that happens, you're on the gravy train. During the 6 weeks it took Poloniex to resolve Infinite Monkey's support ticket, approximately 70,000 additional support tickets were opened by Poloniex users. Don't wait to be one of the lucky ones, go make a trade on Poloniex today!
Note from the Author: This really happened to me, and I really did see a 3X increase in the value of my tokens while I waited for help. I finally got my tokens back this morning and I figured I'd write a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek thank you to the Poloniex team. This obviously isn't a real program, although the risk of doing business with Poloniex is real. I do not recommend putting even 1 satoshi on Poloniex's exchange unless you are willing to lose it. I've since moved on to Bittrex and had to open a trouble ticket with them. It took them three or four days to resolve it.
Image Credits:
Piggy Bank image borrowed from: http://www.infiniteunknown.net/