I heard somebody making fun of curling.
Curling.
They’re laughing at it and I’m like I’ve watched curling, I’ve seen it, I’ve watched it sometimes as long maybe fifteen... twenty seconds before changing the channel.
And, uh...
When I see it, it strikes me as basically Rock, Paper, Scissors on ice.
You know it’s totally random, it’s almost drug induced. It’s like a rock sliding down ice and they’ve got these brooms, I don’t think the brooms really serve any purpose, you know, it’s just that, well, you gotta have something to look at while the stupid rock go down the ice.
At some point I’m sure that at some point that somebody says “Why brooms?” and another guy says, “What? What are we gonna do with plungers? How does that work, huh? You know, I don’t get it...”
I heard somebody once ask a question: “Is it a game or is it a sport?”
And I thought about it for a while and I’m going, “Well, how do you tell the difference?”
And I figured it out.
If you can say the name of the alleged sport in front of the word “scandal” and do so without laughing, then it’s a sport.
Football - scandal...
Baseball - scandal...
Basketball - scandal...
Curling - (Bwaahaahaaaa!)...
Yeah, that doesn’t work...
Part of the problem is what kind of scandals are you going to have in curling?
I guarantee you that there are three letters that you’re never going to hear in the same sentence as curling: ACL.
Another three letters you won’t hear: PED.
Performance enhancing drugs? Really???
What would be a performance enhancing drug with this “sport.”
You know you’re watching rocks go down ice, you know when the camera turns away from the “athletes” that they’re knocking off shots of Black Velvet.
You think the score has something to do with rocks, it has nothing to do with the rocks. The score has to do with the number of shots and still can stand up on the ice!
It’s like yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s not gonna work. What kind of scandals are going to happen in curling?
You push the rock down, it hits another rock, the rock breaks open, a bunch of cork balls spill out, and Sammy Sosa runs around picking up the cork balls.
What, really? Come on dude.
“Oh, look! The broom he’s using is actually a miniature Zamboni, he’s melting down the ice that makes the rock go to the left...”
Come on, man...
Uh, curling. Come on, kill me.
From three letters I’ll go to words that you’ll never hear with curling...
- Grueling.
Yeah right.
- Strategy.
Oh Kill me.
- Concussion.
Although, I will tell you, I’d give give up one or two paychecks to have a camera to film a curling induced head injury.
- Two-A-Days.
What would that be? I think that would be the number bottles of Jack you have to drink just to get though the training.
Imagine the interview with the “athlete” that went through this...
“Dear God! I’m telling you that it was grueling! In five days of this, I got three DUIs...”