I have seen a lot of articles on mass media news outlets lately depicting mental health and how to help those that are struggling with mental health challenges but most of what I have read must have been written by people that have never experienced depression before.
These articles are a start to breaking the silence about depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar, and so many other mental health challenges that so many of us are struggling with in silence but if you put out false information then are you really helping at all?
Talking about mental health makes it “normal” instead of looking at us like we’re different or weird. Honestly, I’ll never forget the way it felt to tell my father about my depression and have him tell me that it “was all in my head” and “you should pray on it.”
He was right in a way, it is all in my head but it’s a part of who I am and part of what makes me unique. I have a different way of looking at the world now but that’s not necessarily a bad thing and I shouldn’t be ostracized for it.
My Superhero List
Oftentimes, you won’t know that someone is struggling from depression from just looking at us or interacting with us briefly. I have a handful of close friends and family members that are on my “Superhero List,” people that offer support on days that I’m really struggling. But, unless I told you what I struggle with, you wouldn’t know. I promise you.
Those on the “Superhero List” are people that I know that I can trust to talk to if I am feeling down, encourage me to do things that help me to get back to an even keel (so to speak), and will love on me on those days when I just need someone to be there without constantly asking if I’m ok or smothering me.
Society’s Viewpoint
Some commercials for anti-depressants depict depression as a person that is chronically unhappy and everyone seems to know it so they avoid that person or treat them differently.
Other commercials hit a little closer to home by showing that people with depression will often put on a fake smile so no one really knows how they feel inside.
What that 15 or 30 second commercial doesn’t tell you is that the person with depression would love to tell you how we feel but oftentimes we don’t want to burden you or we think that you won’t understand.
Smiling On the Outside
I have a great life! I have a lot of friends, a house, a car, followers on social media, and two wonderful dogs that adore me. I have a car with gas, food on the table, I’m able to travel to faraway lands, and I have people in my life that love me. I am grateful for the many blessings that I have been given and try to show that gratitude each day.
But, some days I wake up and its like I’m in a fog or my head is in a fish bowl. Life seems dull and uninteresting. I know that I have to put on a smile and leave the house but I don’t really want to. Not today. Today I just want to crawl back in bed and maybe have a good cry.
It’s not that anything is necessarily wrong! I just feel wrong and I’m not sure I could tell you why. Some days I can’t voice to you how I feel because I’m unsure of it myself.
On these days, it’s like I have lost control of my own body. Depression is in charge today. And if I sit and think about everything that I had planned to get done today but might not be able to do because I’m not sure I can stop crying… then the anxiety hits, too.
Accept Me for Me
I have had so many people try to change me or treat me with kid gloves because they know that I am depressed and live with suicidal thoughts. Just because I have suicidal thoughts doesn’t mean I want to act on them.
I don’t want to die, its not the prevalent thought in my mind. It’s a fleeting thought that floats through a few times per day and then it goes away. I don’t know if everyone is like me, I’m sure I’m different in some ways.
Honestly, I just want to be accepted and loved for who I am. I don’t want to be defined by the mental health “illness” that a doctor has diagnosed me with. I am not my diagnosis.
I am an independent, loving, passionate, creative woman that strives to help others because I know what it feels like to feel overwhelmed, unloved, or forgotten. I know what it feels like to feel neglected, abused, and thrown away like trash. So, I pour my heart out daily to help others to never feel that way.
Some days I give too much of myself and have to take a break to recharge my batteries, but one thing that I have learned from my depression is how to read my own body and to read my own mind. I know now when I need a break and I am strong enough now to ask for it and to expect it.
This Can Change
Ultimately, what it comes down to is that mental health challenges are not commonly discussed until after someone has already acted on the thoughts in their mind. Then, everyone is sad and wonders why it happened. They want to talk about how amazing that person was and how sad they are to know that they are gone.
But, did any of those people take the time to listen or to ask questions?
Did they try to dig deeper when that person said they were “fine”?
Did they listen when the person said that they needed someone to talk to?
It is acceptable to talk about physical ailments but not mental ones and that is what needs to change. Until we can bring these issues into the light without fear of judgment, we lose more to suicide or addiction or however else people feel is the only way to cope with how they feel but cant express.
We talk about cancer like its normal, because it is. It’s tragic and heartbreaking, but it’s normal and socially acceptable.
We talk about ALS, Lupus, and heart disease like they are normal parts of life, because they are and should be talked about.
Why can’t we do the same thing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar, or any of the other mental health challenges that exist in the world? Because we can’t see them so we’re not sure they are really there?
This is real life. And I live it every day, as do millions of others around the world that are just like me.
And I promise you that I only want to be loved and accepted for who I am. And I promise that I only want to smash the stigmas surrounding mental health. That’s all I want.
I would love to hear thoughts on this. I realize I may be off base or others may not feel the way that I feel so I would love to start a conversation about how you feel and what you would to see change.
Thanks for reading,
Ivy
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