While listening to Alan Watts and doing my CARs at night, I had an incredibly existential crisis.
Now, this isn't the type that launches me into a buying a car or going and traveling around the world (yet), but one that gave me a question that can't be answered.
What are we?
To think about this is almost unbelievable.
Yes, we are humans, but what does that mean?
The quick existential moment unraveled itself like this:
I felt a pit in my stomach, while my heart and my mind started to race. It zoomed out from who we are as humans on this earth now and gave me a look at the whole word.
Besides for our brief existence, the only thing we actually can know, we don't know the non-existence of so much more.
I contemplated the theory of everything, but mostly this life we live.
Is it worth it? Will it ever be worth it? How can we make it worth it?
We constantly believe we have to do something, live one way or another, be healthy or not, work or play.
Each of these is things we do, but once we are gone so are they.
This was about 5 seconds.
It leads me to try then to figure out why I was moving my joints in a circle, and what the point is.
Although, what I got was the visceral feeling of needing to follow the excitement within me.
One life.
Think about that.
Maybe good, maybe bad.
Granted we hold a powerful position in this one life we have.
I mean heck, we literally control every element of how we perceive and respond to life.
Whether you start off horribly or you are born into wealth, you are in control of your life.
Yes, that is a bold statement.
The worst part is that those who deny the above, take power from the ones "they" want to help (out of a narcissistic or egoic mindset.)
Just like the child conditioned to cry in front of the mom, when 20 minutes ago they dusted themselves off after the fall, we condition others.
Whether that's handouts from the government rewarding misbehavior, or giving pity to those need empowerment.
We all have control.
We can move, learn, grow and thrive.
That is what this moment showed me.
Design your life.
Design every single element, wireframe who you are and what you want.
Low and behold, it will come true.
The universe loves you because it is you.
Austin
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