So here's the story. I have always wanted to be in a relationship and I was almost always in a relationship. In fact up until 2 years ago, I never truly knew what it felt like to be completely single. And it wasn't until last September 2017, when I really know what it felt to be really single. (Hint hint)
Fast forward today, I learnt something so valuable about myself which I would never have learnt if I were to be relationship.
I found me.
I learnt my voice, I finally know how it felt to be in my skin. When I was in a 6 years long relationship, I was more interested in making the relationship work rather than being honest about who I am and what I want in a relationship . I knew certain things will displease my ex-partner, and so I felt that I couldn't be those things.
Now here's another thing with committed relationship. There are many ways in which 2 partners conduct themselves in a relationship. It depends on the "agreement" you have with your partner. Are you guys exclusively committed ? Which means sexually, exclusive to one another? Some couples swing with another, which means they actually have consented sex with another couple, but they are still a couple.
So this video is based on the agreement that a committed relationship is based on being sexually, and mutually exclusive to one person only.
#1.Know Who you are, What you want and what you DON'T WANT.
Here's the thing. As human beings; we will always learn and grow. It is literally impossible to stop change, even if we want to and if you're someone who constantly wants to learn and grow and become better, change WILL happen. So if you don't know yourself, it is impossible for your partner to know you.
If however you know who you are, what you're all about, where you're headed in Life, then it's something you can openly communicate with your partner about so that he/she knows exactly where you stand. Not only that, don't you want to know exactly who you are getting into a relationship with, yes?
You also need to know what you Don't want and what you're not willing to put up with. And that, could take some time to figure out.
What is the one thing which you won't put up with in your love life if you're going to be committed to this one person? Yes yes, in the spiritual world, we want to be talking about unconditional love and all that Jazz, but boundaries are boundaries. And I cannot stress how important that is. Because If you don't draw the line and state your boundaries, trust me, no one else can do it for you. You need to draw the line and only you can do it so what's the deal breaker for Ku?
Look, if happily ever after is what we want to try to be gunning for ,(or at least we should try to maximise our chances for that, for me anyway ) then you need to know what doesn't work for you in a relationship.
Saves you a tons of heartache in the future.
#2. Your Sexual Rreferences
I can't even begin to say how important this is.
Are you someone who just naturally have a wandering eye? Are you just someone who prefers more than 1 sexual partner?
In days and times like this where monagamy and polyamory will become more and more of a debatable heated topic, you need to really question that about yourself before choosing to commit yourself to another.
Listen. It is well known that we humans are not meant to be monogamous . The question is what do YOU choose?
Have you found meaning in your life?
By meaning, I mean, what are you living for in your life? What makes you get up and gets you excited in the morning? What makes you feel purposeful? What gives you meaning?
Now let me tell you one thing. If your purpos now is to find a relationship and a relationship is what gets you excited in the morning. Unless you have the blessing to find someone who can constantly excite you, and constantly inspire you all the time, really I wouldn't recommend you going this way around.
You see, meaning and purpose in your own life Is only something you can give yourself. And meaning and purpose is what gives you long lasting, deep fulfilment, that happiness and joy in your own life. And all this , is not something your partner or lover can give to you.
Even when you're in a relationship with someone else, you cannot be expecting this person to make you happy all the damn time. Do you really want your partner to expect you to make them happy all the time? Now really be honest, and I mean not with me , but just kind of like , really sit there and have a think to yourself.
Let me tell you what. That is not impossible . Life is built in such a way that it is not all constant, now of course we don't want to sound all pessimistic , but we got to be a little bit more realistic here. Everyone's got their ups and downs - depending on someone else to give you meaning and purpose is never going to work out.
So find your own purpose , your own meaning .
#4. Know Your Love Language
So do you know why sometimes couples who really genuinely love each fight like cats and dogs ? Apart from obviously little knitty gritty day to day things if you guys are staying together.
But really, it is because everyone receives and experiences love differently.
The 5 Love Languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Find out your love language here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
#5. Do You Love You?
Do you know how to love you?
Do you care enough for yourself to the point that you understand who and what you are- and it doesn't matter what someone else say anyway?
Do you know how to care for yourself to know your flaws and weaknesses enough?
And then do you love yourself enough to not judge yourself for it ?
Because I can tell you that it is only when you are at peace with yourself, when you can accept everything about you, the good and the bad, that when someone else comes into your life, you can almost immediately know whether who they are will be suitable for you or not.
Also, you will be less dependent on their love, to make YOU feel lovable.
Catch me on instagram: @jassicania
Music:
You And Me by Markvard @markvard
My video is at DLive