"Your life is turning in a more positive direction if you are willing to grow.”
A tarot card I drew last night, but how to I grow? Which way is up? All I see is a never ending darkness around me. It’s just as I have been saying for years now: there is a curse upon me. A never ending cycle with me thinking one minute everything is better and then it crashes once again.
My dreams are getting weird again. The first significant one was really odd. I was with a tribe of people who I supposed we were all quite close. We were searching for something in this strange, cavernous place. When we ventured inside of a cave there were these creatures, some being demonic wolves of some sort. We fought them off. What we were looking for, I found out, was the leader of darkness. The demon of them all. Suddenly, I became aware of a voice saying that it, the demon, wasn’t looking to destroy the whole tribe. It was me that it wanted. I can’t remember if I was afraid of what was to come.
The scene changed and the entire tribe was out in a field discussing what to do. There was one woman who I grew fond over, but her name is not remembered. The chieftain called the tribe to meeting, and in a powerful voice, told everyone that I had a choice to make. Either I killed myself or they would vote on who would kill me. This was needed in the eyes of the chieftain since the demon was only after me. I grew afraid and enraged all at the same time. I grabbed a knife from my pocket and ran up to him. One of my friends in the tribe looked at me as if I had lost my mind. As if there was nothing wrong with what he had just said.
“He wants to kill me!” I yelled.
A few minutes later I was in the arms of the woman I had grown fond of. I felt as if I had known her my entire life. Her embrace was warm and protective as I clutched her tight, afraid of dying.
When I woke from my dream, the feelings I remembered the most were of her holding me. She loved me truly in the dream and my feelings were the same.
Next night’s dream was a bit different. I was in a horror movie it seemed. The time was growing dark and I was driving in a car through a very rural area. I passed a small local store and found myself wandering into a deserted field. Still in my car, I felt something was off. I looked out my window and the dark sky had turned blood red and fear rippled through my body. I felt a dark presence around me and my vision grew black.
I woke up on a bed in a room unknown. There was a demon there beside me. Looking back, I’m not sure what the demon did to me. It began to speak in its dark voice and I realized I would not be going back to my prior life. I had a choice of living in the cruel pits of hell or choosing another path that would be filled with pure lust. The demon took my hand…I chose the latter.
My last dream from last night seems a bit too awkward to write. There were no demons, yet it was filled with a vast amount of lustfulness that looking back on, makes me shake my head.
Something is happening to me. I can feel it and my dreams are trying to tell me what that something is. I’ve had bad thoughts of ways to end this all, but I can’t go through with it and give up that easily.
I will leave you with that my friends. Feel free to share your thoughts.
Shadow & Starlight
Amethyst Midnight
