Beach day. There are twelve thousand dreams every single night. Last night in particular I had snuck onto a ship with my childhood best friend. He very clearly just wanted to pretend to be sailors for a little bit & leave, but I kept this feeling of uncertainty like I would keep up the charade in perpetuity if it came to it. Realizing the ship was leaving soon & seeing no inkling of my friend being ready to get off, I slowly became more & more certain of what my future would become. Then in an instant, he said "let's go" & escape floated to the top of my mind. We sprinted off the ship, dropping books & bags & accouterments of varying importance, which were waived off by the artificial emergency we created. Literally dropping baggage to go faster (lesson in there). Arriving at the bay of the ship, a flood of sailors who decided the life wasn't for them, I asked if any of them could rap, one man raised his hand..."Le Metier"
Transitioning to a snowy field, I find a giant tortoise struggling through a pile of cheese. A scientist is encouraging the tortoise to eat through his problems. I decide to climb the nearest Boabob tree to try to get a better view of the terrain, but I climb too high. I find a ledge that has a swiss army knife, a pocketwatch, & a set of dog tags covered in thick dust. I leave them undisturbed because I already know the story. I realize I can't climb down, I can't see behind me. I let go of the tree & fall backward.
The Fluidity of the hypnagogic state is encouraging, it's almost like my brain creates the connections I wish it would make normally. For a few moments every day, I can walk in between the world of necessity & the world of imagination. That overlap is the primary proof for me that my perception is a loose assembly. I've always believed that I could harness that looseness to reassemble my mind into something more advantageous to myself & those who rely on me but my will becomes just as fragmented. The solution is shrouded with problems of its own, as always. Perhaps someone with that ability will be better equipped by my exploration. I'll think about this a little deeper at the beach today.
