Hi everyone!
This post is my contribution to The Thinker's Corner 2nd challenge.
The prompt is:
When dealing with people, it is not uncommon to do or say something that someone else would find offensive. Most people would apologize at that point to avoid drama. However, is there ever a scenario in which you will choose not to apologize for something you said or did?
Think and tell us what that situation would be all about. Why wouldn't you apologize?
Photo by Steve DiMatteo on Unsplash
As I've gone through life, I think I've gone through the whole spectrum of how to approach apologizing. There were times when I would be super Canadian and apologize for everything, there were times when I never, ever apologized because I thought it made me look weak, and I think I've now settled somewhere in the middle.
I'm happy to own up to my mistakes and apologize when I'm wrong, but I'm also not going to let others guilt me into apologizing.
I am honestly, getting pretty good at not upsetting or offending people. I work hard to not make jokes that could be misconstrued or misread over text, I try to approach conversations thoughtfully and I really do try to see where another person is coming from.
However, I do also get into lots of arguments, on Hive and on social media when I think people are deliberately trying to boost misinformation... and I've had some absolutely huge arguments that last for several days. It's exhausting, and I know I might not change the individual's mind, but I'm often writing for any passersby or casual observers who need more accurate information.
I legitimately think misinformation is the biggest problem facing humanity at the moment.
Thinking about it, the scenarios I'm happy to apologize in are:
- Situations where I'm wrong or have done something silly
- Situations where I hadn't intended to hurt someone but did because I didn't take enough care
- Situations where someone needs help but I can't (or won't) help them
Scenarios where I wouldn't apologize are:
- Situations where I really do think I made the correct choices
- Situations where I feel like the other person might be trying to weaponize my guilt
One particular instance I was super stubborn about not apologizing was with a friend who would make a lot of plans with me... and was always late. I have weird anxieties about punctuality, and so I'm almost always on time if not a little early, for everything.
I figure if people plan to meet at a specific time, then that's the time to meet, not 20 minutes after that time.
So this friend was always, always late, and to me it felt like she didn't respect my time. In hindsight, she had plenty of her own anxieties that caused her to be late, but still, I don't think that excuses it.
Once I was waiting for her at a cafe, she was 20 minutes late so I left and turned off my phone. She was incredibly upset, devastated honestly, and it became this whole big thing with us, but eventually her behaviour changed and she tried really hard to be on time. She wasn't always successful but I appreciated the effort.
I do think she wanted an apology from me, because she was so upset, mostly for turning my phone off, and I'll admit that wasn't super mature of me, but I did want to make a point. I wanted her to value my time as a part of valuing our friendship.
I think it's important to set boundaries and be ready to defend those boundaries in every single one of your relationships. Don't be cruel about it, but it's very okay to stand by them.
So how about you? What are you happy to apologize for? What wouldn't you apologize for?
Thanks so much for reading...
