Inuke and I have been talking about recording one of our calls for quite a while. In fact, we started talking with each other - over the phone - last March, three months after having met eachother on Steemit. We hit it off from the start. He and I can both be pretty serious guys but at the same time, we have a lot of fun, make each other laugh all the time.
Two days ago, we talked for an hour and twenty minutes. I recorded our Skype call ( with Inuke's permission ) and listened back to it later. Although there was a lot of interesting talk going on and we laughed a lot, I decided I preferred to share one of the more serious parts of our conversation. To be more specific: A little over 5 minutes, where we talked about depression.
I invite you to listen to our chat, by scrolling down and clicking on the link.
For those of you who prefer reading over listening, here's a transcription of that fragment of our chat:
Vincent: ...the last couple of years of University were a struggle. Back then, I was already not doing great for a couple of years. Mentally, I guess. Funny enough, the version of me of like 18, 19, 20, 21, kind of thought he was a tough guy, you know? Although I was a kid.
Inuke: You used the word stressed... where you're stressed enough to change. I like that
Vincent: Right
Inuke: It's not a calling. It's not like, one day, you get up and you have this amazing thing and you think like: Okay, I need some change! No, it's not like that. We always change under pressure only. It seem so.
Vincent: Exactly!
Inuke: For me..
Vincent: Yes! Exactly. Now I think of it... It really needs to lead to that point where you just don't take it anymore. And, two things can happen... One thing that can happen, is that you really need medication. Or different kind of medication, like alcohol or drugs or whatever. Or you literally get sick or you can get 'sick of it' and make changes.
You need to reach that point where you're really fed up with it.
Inuke: No Vince, seriously. That kind of pressure leads to only two options: you either break within or you break out.
Vincent: Yeah, exactly! But I think what also needs to happen often, is that you need to listen to others. It's often very difficult to make that decision yourself, right?
So... I like to think that my talks with you have helped you a little bit, back then, to...
Inuke: Align myself?
Vincent: Yeah, but also to really like take that last step to make that tough decision. And, for me for instance, a little over a year ago, I needed a talk with my twin sister. Or, actually, it was October 2017, when I reached a point where I could hardly smile anymore. At that time, I was staying at her house, I was without a job, I was just blogging on Steemit for a couple of months, I had very little money, Autumn was starting. I was very stressed, going on daily walks but it did not really help me. And then, there was a point when my sister asked me, on a walk - we went on a walk together – “Vin... are you depressed?” And then I started thinking about it and I said: “Yeah, perhaps I am depressed.” I did not even realize it. And that realization, my twin sister telling me that/ asking me that question... I think she might have been the first person in my life who asked me if 'perhaps I was depressed?' You know, not even a doctor ever asked me... it made me feel better. Because, I accepted it and I started making changes and I started looking for houses in Portugal and three and a half months later, I left the country and I started this second life. But, I needed someone else to tell me, to ask me a difficult question. Somebody close to me;
Inuke: We focus on the problem so much that we don't focus on ourself, at that moment...
Vincent: Right
Inuke: I think it's a common thing, common trait. They don't even realize that they're depressed. They will be like, like.., In their mind they might be thinking that they're focussed on a problem
but they might be actually depressed.
Vincent: You wanna hear something funny: Depressed is actually the opposite of expressing, right? So, you're not expressing yourself, you're depressed. So, you're not talking about how you feel and funny enough I have always thought that I was one of the persons who talked about how I felt but, maybe, I did not really do that, you know? Or I just talked about other stuff all the time. Not about feelings.
Inuke: That's actually an irony, man, coming from a storyteller,
Vincent: Right! Yeah but it's also exactly what my father has always been doing. Talking a lot but never talking about feelings. So, if I asked my father: How are you doing? He said: Okay. Alright. Even when he isn't. No but seriously I... nevertheless I have felt sorry for myself a lot, I guess. And that never helps, I can tell you... I guess you know that yourself, right?
Inuke: I do, I do, I do. I heard somewhere: nothing good ever comes from a pity party
Vincent: Exactly! I was just thinking of that word, pity party! I like it a lot. You read my mind!
It's the worst thing you can do. I guess it's also a way of feeding the Ego but in the worst way possible. Because it's about YOU again but you're focusing on yourself in the worst way possible: Let's feel sorry for yourself
Inuke: No, at that moment you're not thinking about the solution but you're beating yourself up, discouraging yourself
Vincent: and it's not helping at all
Inuke: Yes
Vincent: So, you wanna talk about creativity a little bit?
Inuke: Sure, man!
I decided to end it here, to keep true to my 'Unfinished Stories' theme. What follows this fragment of our conversation - and I consider sharing in my next audio post - is a minute or 15, where Inuke talks about his writing and shares a story about his childhood on the Andaman Islands.
**TO BE CONTINUED **
And - as always - I invite you to share your stories in a reply to this post. Have you dealt with/ are you dealing with depression and - if so - do you actually talk about it?
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