Imagine being in an Airbnb room with a friend called Robert. Imagine having a deep, immersive conversation about important life choices, recent lessons and life-changing realisations.
Imagine that you were feeling heard, understood, supported, allowed to be fully you. Unrestrained and uninhibited in expression, after a long period of dry rejection and judgments.
Out of the blue, your friend has a download.
Robert is an ihippy – a term coined by him conveying his fascinating blend of spirituality with his online entrepreneurship and film production. He was receiving a big energetic download, and he was processing it out loud by verbalising it for me. Don't ask me what it was about, though. My memory is like a sack full of holes.
As he was digesting his initial flash of intuition, something else suddenly pops out.
In that very moment, he noticed an interesting picture exposed neatly on the wall, right opposite the couch we were comfortably lounged out.
That was a picture representing one of the exits from the Picadilly Circus station, in central London. After a moment's hesitation, he explodes into a joyous laughter:
"This is the exact same entrance to the tube station we went through this evening!!!"
As he admitted to me beforehand, he had booked this flat hoping that our arranged dinner would prolong into a night at his, as we used to do in the old days. (Old days meaning a year before, but we had both changed so much in the meantime.)
We were both stunned at the realisation that this might turn out to be one of those moments...
Do you know those moments defined by a mysterious sense of meaning, wonder or even magic?
Called coincidences by some, synchronicities by others, these moments are commonly perceived as having a distinctive relevance in our lives.
Could it possibly mean that those powerful insights which elevated our spirits, refreshed our hearts and befuddled our minds were actually true?
We both knew the answer. There was an inner voice inside each of us that said:
"Yes, this is it. There is no doubt. This is the sign you were looking for. What else are you waiting for now?"
It is that voice which has led me to write this diary.
Sometimes quiet, almost unnoticeable, other times loud and bold, this voice guided me towards being who I am today.
It is a voice which, unless heeded and honoured, if muffled and gagged, will be buried in a gloomy corner of the soul and will turn rotten and rusty.
I found that this is the only voice that never gives up on me... no matter how many times I suffocate it, stifle it, pretend it's not there.
It's that voice that sings the sweetest melody of my soul. It is a voice that makes me come alive, awakens my senses and gives purpose to my existence.
A voice that gently but steadily holds my hand and guides me out of the maze of fearful thoughts and into the light of clarity and peace.
Nobody else can hear this voice, but so many have tried to distract me from it. Why? Because it's a dangerous, revolutionary thing to do to take some quality time away from the external drama.
To really listen within. To connect to a deeper truth of your being. Not escaping, denying, running away from it. No, to the contrary – being fully present with it, no matter how painful or challenging it might be.
I learnt that, unless I listen to this voice, I become as confused as those around me who run around like headless chicken in this collective circus of masks and masquerades, in this massive soup of chaos and consumerism, in this distorted marathon where money, power and status are the prizes for the best runner.
Do you know this to be true?
Can you sometimes hear this almost silent voice inside you, drowned out by other people's whispers or shouts, lies or delusions?
This voice is waiting for your attention in the shadows of your consciousness. Regardless of how much you invest in resisting it, it will overpower you eventually. It will somehow manage to demolish your ludicrous attempts to control it.
However much you fear it at some point in your life, when your mind completely disconnects from the truth of your being and is brainwashed by others into never thinking for itself, this voice will always shine through the misty clouds of your distortion.
You will always be able to recognise it, rediscover it, reconnect with it. I have no doubt about that.
And this is what I am doing right now.
After turning a deaf ear to it for such a long time... after disbelieving it, discrediting it, I returned to it. I had to. I had been disloyal for too long and the suffering I created for myself by not heeding its guidance was turning into a nightmare.
A daily torment, full of cries of help, unheard and unseen by those I had thought were loving me the most. Those who swore they were the most loving people in the world. Those who have vowed they would do anything for me, because they loved me. Those who hurt me the most, deliberately and willingly. Those who have pushed my buttons in the name of pushing me to grow.
As if there was something wrong with me, they always wanted to fix me. As if I was the worst person in the world, and they were my saving grace out of this place of self-created misery and doom.
When, in fact, I was pretty much OK. I was maybe even more than OK. I was perfect just the way I was, with my faults and my defects, doing my best to become a better person.
So, slowly but surely, I lost touch with my inner voice.
I became like an out-of-tune guitar. I turned into a lifeless painting. I dried up like an autumn leaf.
My senses had dampened, my life force had dwindled, my desires, hopes and dreams were fading away, drowning in a sea of despair which engulfed me more and more, day by day, night after night.
It didn't last very long, though.
Some things happened that changed the course of my life. The paradigm shift that had been announced in an oracle card reading four months previously during my trip to Bali had come true. And I regained my voice.
(Photo taken by my love, @et987, in Bali, February 2017)
This diary is about this inner voice that is sometimes so hard to find in times of struggle. It is about me finding it, losing it, rediscovering it and undergoing this process countless times.
This diary is about the power of listening to that inner voice, creating the space for it to emerge, allowing it to sing the contours of your ever-expanding being. Unrestrained by any chains, having broken free from their slavery to more powerful voices that had oppressed it for so long.
This diary is about me meandering through the peaks of the most exquisite to the depths of the most daunting experiences that came as a result of listening to this voice.
Lastly, it is about the magical synchronicities, adventurous pursuits of love and growth, challenging but rewarding experiences of my transformation process.
The life lessons and insights I have acquired on the way are priceless gems that are worth sharing with the world in an attempt to contribute to the personal and collective awakening that is taking place on Earth at this time.
Please, be advised of the following:
*** These confessions may shake you from your roots and elongate your tallest branches.
*** They may cause you to unfurl your wings and take the first flight away from the safety of your nest.
*** They may even expose you to your deepest pains and fears, promising that they will transform into your highest joys and satisfactions - as long as you do the necessary self-work.
I know this journey has done so for me.
And I want to share it with you, hoping it will inspire you to let go of the control you never really had and dive deeper into the mystery of your heart. This might be painful, but it will also be joyful.
Once you get a taste of the magic that ensues, I doubt you will never want to go back to the old story.
The new paradigm is about constantly choosing love over fear, and you'll be so free, my dear.
My story is a testimony of this reality.
To be continued...
If you missed it, here is the link for the first episode in the Diary of a Free Spirit series.
I started writing this diary last summer, half a year before knowing that Steemit exists. When I found out about it, I knew I had to publish everything I'd written here. It feels like this platform will receive my story and my message.
Thanks for taking the time to read this article. If you resonate, upvote, resteem and follow me for the next episodes of Diary of A Free Spirit.
I'm looking forward to sharing with you the struggles I encountered as I exited the conventional path and followed my heart into the unknown, with my intuition as my only reliable guide...
... how I healed some of my deepest wounds and taken leaps of faith way beyond my comfort zone...
... how I reinvented myself and survived the dark nights of my soul, emerging like a Phoenix from her ashes...
... how I reclaimed my power and broken the chains of attachment towards toxic people, situations and substances...
... and many other interesting things that will intrigue you, inspire you, and hopefully empower you to BE MORE OF WHO YOU TRULY ARE AND SHINE YOUR MAGNIFICENCE :)
From my heart to yours...
Be You, Be Wild, Be Free!
Bristena,
#DiaryOfaFreeSpirit
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