As mentioned in a previous post we have been solidifying our mantra and meditation practice through a 40-day commitment. This has brought up a lot for me from resistance, to joy, to feelings of lack to inspiration. Wren wrote about that sharing her experience here, but, even though we share this account, our meditation experiences are unique so I wanted to take the time to share mine.
Diving deeper on the daily keeps uncovering more and more.
Although it has been over a decade since I first started meditating, I have not been serious about it lately. But even after 10 days I am noticing big shifts.
This winter has been like a reunion with myself.
I really appreciate the container that this practice affords. For 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening, I am committed to sitting still and being present. This seems like a no brainer when I think about it, but I have created such a whirlwind of thoughts, actions and activities surrounding the establishment of a homestead and edible forest gardens, that the practice of sitting has taken a back seat (pardon the pun).
I’ve sat in several 10 day silent retreats, lived at a monastery for a month and maintained a personal practice sporadically throughout my adult life, but some part of me has avoided or resisted mediation. Even though I know how simple and beneficial a practice it is. What’s that about?
I feel it is in part the fear of fully confronting myself that keeps me from meditating regularly.
The fear of seeing my darkest, meanest and unhealthiest parts, the inner demons and all the forgotten nooks and crannys of my psyche. The fear of seeing all the inner work that is needed. The fear of really seeing myself. It can be scary to see part of myself more clearly, parts that I've ignored or hidden. It may mean that the man I think I am is not who I really am. The commitment to 40 days of sitting is helping me frame the practice in a manageable way and confront these fears. Things are getting real here!
Another thing that is coming to the surface is the fear of sharing things I create.
Looking back in my journals into a time when I was committed to meditation 2 hours a day, I found a great deal of inspired writings, expressing my explorations of the interconnectedness of self, Gaia and the universe. The daily practice has already spurred on a burst of creativity. The quiet time is kindly an inner fire. Recently I shared a piece on fungi I wrote, and was encouraged to continue. I have recently picked up the mandolin and have been loving the avenue for expression it affords.
Here’s to getting over my fear of sharing my creative endeavors.
I’m working towards putting myself out there more, and sharing inspired creations. Sharing these heartfelt creations is an edge for me, but one ultimately worth confronting. It's an edge that is softened by the daily practice.
As a part of that, we're going to take part in @cabelindsday's Steemit Vision Quest(consider joining, it's an awesome invitation!).
If you're interested in joining in on the #meditation-challenge, please check out #ecotrain's 7 day meditation challenge.
What is keeping you from living your fullest and truest self?
Search the #ecotrain tag for more consciousness raising posts! And the #meditation-challenge tag to read of others' experiences <3
