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So many people have ask such question with reality in check
“We E-mailed each other every day. We made plans regarding a place to live and work. I was supposed to take care of the engagement rings. We had not even known each other a month and had not yet met in person.”—[Monika, Austria.
YOU would really like to meet someone—someone you can get to know, someone you might want to marry. But, thus far, none of your efforts to find someone like that have worked out. Attempts by well-meaning friends and family to set you up with someone have done nothing but embarrass you and have left you more discouraged than ever. So you are wondering if maybe you should turn to technology for help.
In this age of the computer, finding a compatible mate may seem to be just a few clicks away. All you have to do, some say, is log on to a Web site, chat room, or bulletin board that has been specially designed for singles. The New York Times reports that in one month in the United States alone, 45 million people visited on-line dating Web sites. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than nine million people using its service in 240 countries.
The Appeal of On-Line Dating
Are you shy and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection? Or do you just feel that there is a shortage of potential spouses in your area? Then computer dating can appeal to you. On-line matchmaking services on the one hand promise you control over your "data". Search boxes showing age groups, resident countries, personality profiles, pictures, and anonymous screen names are provided. Armed with the power of choice, online dating seems to be more efficient and less stressful than face-to-face meetings.
What is the reality? Does dating in cyberspace really bring lasting joy? Well, bear in mind that for a six-year period, a matchmaking service had 11 million subscribers. But only 1,475 marriages took place among them. Another dating service with over one million members recorded only 75 confirmed marriages! What's wrong with this trend?
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A True Picture of Each Other?
“charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain.” (Proverbs 31:30)
"On the Internet," it said in a newspaper article, "are all attractive, honest and successful." But how realistic is the information people give about themselves? Another newspaper article states: "It goes without saying that everyone is lying a bit." An editor of a well-known teen magazine personally investigated this claim. She joined three of the most popular dating sites and received a number of replies in a short time. These resulted in data with several men. The result? Real mistakes! The men had obviously lied about themselves. She warned, "Based on my experience, they are lying."
The wrong representation of height or weight may seem like a small thing. "Looks are not that important," some argue. True, the Bible itself says that "charm may be wrong, and beauty may be vain" (Proverbs 31:30). But lies about seemingly small things a good way to start a relationship? (Luke 16:10) How confident can you be about other things the person could say about more serious issues, such as personal goals? The Bible says, "Speak truthfully together" (Zech. 8:16). Yes, honesty is the foundation of a relationship that can grow.
Dating in cyberspace often involves unrealistic fantasies. A report in Newsweek states: "Users can edit their emails carefully and present themselves in the most flattering manner ... The result is a positive feedback loop: They seem nice and interested in you, so you're nice and interested in them. "As a professor at New York's Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, who observes online relationships, a strong bond can emerge very easily in such circumstances. As often mentioned, however, this may not lead to a happy marriage. One man wrote about his experiences with online dating: "It's a trap, your imagination fills in the gaps with exactly what you want."
Close Encounters
However, some believe that the lack of personal contact has clear benefits. You may believe that online dating allows couples to focus on what a future partner is inside without being distracted by the personal appearance. True, the Bible encourages us to focus on the inner qualities of a person. (1 Peter 3: 4) The problem is that you can not observe gestures, smiles or facial expressions in a computer relationship. You can not see how he or she is treating others or being under pressure. And such things are crucial to deciding if he or she is someone to trust and love. Read the Bible's description of the love found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4, 5. Note that love is defined by behavior, not words. You therefore need to take the time to observe a person to see if their actions and words match.
Because such important information is lacking, couples often begin to share intimate feelings and thoughts too early in advertising. Some couples make hasty romantic commitments, even though they hardly know each other. An article titled "On the Internet, Love is Really Blind" talks about two people, 8,000 miles apart, who met online. Three weeks later, they met in person. "She wore heavy eye mascara," said the man. "I do not go out with women who wear mascara." The relationship ended quickly. The results of another personal meeting were so disappointing that the man who had paid the visit canceled the return portion of the woman's flight ticket!
A young woman named Edda recalls her own experiences with online dating. She says, "The relationship was too good to be true, we were going to marry." But when they saw each other personally, the relationship flopped completely. "He was not what I expected, but was critical and a complainant, it just would not work." A week later, the relationship broke and Edda was completely disillusioned.
In the fantasy world of computer dating emotions can become prematurely intense. This can make you vulnerable to emotional devastation if the relationship does not work out - as it is likely to do. "He who trusts in his own heart is stupid," says Proverbs 28:26. Yes, it is unwise to make serious decisions based on imagination and emotions. The proverb goes on: "He who walks in wisdom will escape."
"Whoever trusts in his own heart is stupid,
But the one who walks in wisdom will escape."(Proverbs 28:26)
The Dangers of Haste
Rushing into a relationship when you know little about each other is certainly unwise. The English writer Shakespeare is quoted as saying: “Hasty marriage seldom proveth well.” The Bible counsel is more direct: “Everyone that is hasty surely heads for want.”—Proverbs 21:5.
“Hasty marriage seldom proveth well."—Shakespeare
Everyone that is hasty surely heads for want.”—Proverbs 21:5.
Unfortunately, many of those who have been involved in internet dating have found that to be true. After only meeting with someone for a month, Monika, quoted at the beginning, hoped she had found the answer to her desire for a partner. Although she made plans for marriage - even arranged to receive engagement rings - her hasty relationship ended in "great grief."
You can avoid heartbreak by following the advice of the Bible: "Wise is the one who has seen the misfortune and continues to hide, but the inexperienced have gone and must suffer the punishment." (Proverbs 22: 3) However, disappointment and pain feelings are not the only dangers that you can encounter while computer dating. A future article will take into account additional issues.