CHAPTER 6: COMMERCIALS
THE SULLY SPHINX STORY
[Inspirational music plays as Sully Sphinx watches two unknown men wrestle in a training ring. Sully is staring blankly at the two while the camera focuses on his almost bored-looking face]
Doctor (Off Screen): Mr. Sphinx…
Sully (Off Screen): Just call me Sully.
[Sully on camera drinks some coffee and sighs.]
Doctor (Off Screen): Why don’t you tell me what brings you here today? Why have you sought out therapy?
[Someone is heard yelling in pain while other voices are heard gasping and may be concerned. Sully on screen still looks the same.]
Sully (Off Screen): I’ve been trying to find some meaning in my life. I’ve been depressed a lot and in a rut. So I figured I would talk to a pro and see what could change things. There’s a lot about myself that I want to talk about, maybe even learn a few things about myself too.
Doctor (Off Screen): Do you feel as if you’ve forgotten a lot?
Sully (Off Screen): Honestly? I don’t even know who I am anymore.
[The music picks up as the scene switches to an outdoor setting. A younger Sully revs up his motorcycle and speeds down the highway. A close up on the speedometer shows that he is going over 100 MPH and still climbing. Young Sully can be heard laughing like a crazy person.]
Young Sully: I AM IMMORTAL!!!
[A quick look at Young Sully doing a jump on his motorcycle from the highway; he nearly hits an oil truck and a car, but he’s still laughing.]
Doctor (Off Screen): Why would you even think that’s a good idea?
Sully (Off Screen): I wasn’t thinking.
[The scene changes to inside a bar where Young Sully looks slightly older. A fight is going on and carnage is going on everywhere.]
Doctor (Off Screen): Have you always been that way?
Sully (Off Screen): You mean taking names and kicking ass? Yes.
Doctor (Off Screen): So what changed it?
[A brief look at a middle-aged man with a walking stick, then the scene goes back to the bar where the fighting is no longer happening. Young Sully helps a skinny kid with tattoos sit down.]
Young Sully: You’re going to get yourself killed like that Kid.
TL (Off Screen): I’m sorry about this.
[A young girl with blonde hair walks over and sits beside The Kid. Sully then looks over to see a young Tommy Lee standing near the blonde with an older man next to him.]
Sully (Off Screen) : My friends did.
Young Tom: Sorry about my brother Mr. Smirnoff.
[The scene jumps forward.]
Young Sully: Who are you people?
Young Tom: Sorry.
Young Sully: Stop apologizing before I knock you out too.
The Kid: I’m “The Kid”
Young Sully: Okay, fine.
Young Tom: I’m Tommy Lee and this is Kristy.
[Quick look at the blonde and soon it fades back to the same blank and bored look on Sully’s face.]
Sully (Off Screen) : These guys changed my life forever.
Doctor (Off Screen) : So what led to you now?
[Silence as the screen fades to black. Text fades in that says, “Coming Soon. The Sully Sphinx Story. Experience the origin of OCW.”]
CHEAP TEQUILA
[Big Julius walks into his apartment while texting someone.]
Julius: [on speakerphone] Well send me a little something, I want to look at you all the time.
Girl (Off Screen) : Tee he, you’re crazy. Sending.
[Julius puts down a bag and takes out a few items. The most featured one is a big bottle that simply says “tequila” on it. A beep is heard and Julius looks at his phone.]
Julius: Got it. Oh damn, you are looking good. I should come right over and do everything to you.
Girl (Off Screen) : I have class in the morning, but I should come to you instead.
[Julius looks around.]
Julius: Alright girl, I’m sure the professor won’t mind.
Girl (Off Screen) : Professor? It’s just High School.
[Julius nearly drops the phone.]
Julius: High School? How old are you? The web site said you’re 21.
Girl (Off Screen) : Oh, that, age is just a number. Come on, don’t be like that.
Julius: How old are you?
Girl (Off Screen) : 14.
[Julius looks about to die as there is soon a knock on the door.]
Julius: You’re 14? You been sending me pictures and we’ve been talking and you’re 14?
Girl (Off Screen) : Age is just a number, we don’t need to go there now.
[The knocking is louder as Julius hangs up, grabs the cheap tequila, and starts chugging it. The screen freezes and focuses on the bottle.]
Narrator: Cheap tequila, when you know you’re f****d.
HIGH RISK CONDOMS
[Leon of VIP walks out of what looks like a mansion wearing a purple robe. He has with him a girl wearing just a bikini and one big smile.]
Leon: Hi there, my name is Leon and I am from OCW’s own group known as VIP.
[The girl leaves and Leon walks to the backyard to show an in ground pool full of girls in bikinis.]
Girls: Hi Leon.
Leon: [ignoring the girls] I’m not going to lie, I get laid a lot and often. More importantly, I don’t always have Sin or Selene around to watch my back. Due to that, not every girl I talk to is 100% clean or with any sort of a guarantee.
[Leon walks over to a girl hosing herself with a garden hose while two girls are washing what looks like a red corvette.]
Girl: Need a hosing?
Leon: I’d love that, but not right now [back to camera] luckily, for me, I have the hookup.
Girl: Here you go.
[Girl hands Leon a condom. Leon takes it and holds it in front of the camera.]
Leon: These are the HRC: High Risk Condoms. Extra protected and self-sealing with a lubricant that helps you last longer and healthier. Not only can these babies take care of every disease known to man, but they also can recover from even the smallest of needle pokes. That means no babies from these girls.
Girl: Seriously?
Leon: Yeah, so pick up a box today. Lord knows you don’t want “baby momma drama” and I have enough of these HRCs to last me a long time.
Narrator (Off Screen) : High Risk Condoms are 99.999999999% effective and only useful in certain positions. You should not reuse these under any circumstances and may not protect against everything that may happen. Should you catch or impregnate anyone while wearing these condoms, we are not at fault since you knew what you were getting into before you even knew about HRCs.
Leon: HRC, when you know that person has something.
[Leon gives thumbs up as the screen fades.]
EWA
[Dub step music starts playing]
Narrator (Off Screen) : Ewa!
[Ewa, a polish girl with black hair and a curvy figure similar to Jessica Rabbit, is shown at a DJ turntable while wearing headphone]
Ewa (DUBBED): I play music.
Narrator (Off Screen) : An international music sensation loved by many.
[A series of video clips are shown of her, at the beach, in a bikini while other clips are shown of her listening to her music by the turntable.]
Ewa (DUBBED): Music is fun.
Narrator (Off Screen): Hailed by many for her great work.
[The camera seems to be focusing on her cleavage more than anything else.]
Ewa (DUBBED): Music is art.
Narrator (Off Screen): She’s dated great names, such as OCW’s Genuin.
Ewa (DUBBED): Music.
[The camera lowers to show the cover to her album, entitled “Music”]
Narrator (Off Screen): Coming soon.
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