Hello everyone, welcome :)
This is another piece of revision for an English Language mock type paper I previously did in class. Our task was to pick one of two questions and answer them. I picked question 9 which was to "write an article for a magazine about an interesting hobby or activity". The total for this question was 40 marks. I wanted to show you how you can incorporate humour into your work, to achieve top marks. Our first set of year 11 mocks was indeed a challenge, but I wrote my answer for the transactional writing section in this style that I'm about to show you, I achieved a score of 92/96 on the paper, for writing in this style. I'm just trying to show how your writing does not have to be filled with complicated language to get a decent score, of course, it helps, but showcasing your personality to the examiner makes you stand out from the thousands of other candidates, even if the examiners don't find you funny in the slightest, the showcase of passion that you put into your work, will highlight you affluency and will still set you apart because you attempted to take a risk and bring an interesting or unusual style into your exam.

You've gotta plan!

THIS IS ESSENTIAL
Before I even show you what I wrote, I want to stress the importance to you of planning, this sets apart the students who tend to write stronger essays as they have a good conscience of what they want their answer to consist of. You have 40 marks to achieve on this question. Meaning you have 40 minutes to write the answer of your life! Spend 5 - 10 minutes scribbling down ideas on the space provided. It will help you come up with the topic of discussion, as well as an order of ideas and even style you choose to write in. Also, keep in mind the format. DO NOT MISS THIS STEP
Okay, onwards and upwards.

My actual answer

Since I'm a pro bodyboarder ( not even in the slightest ) and I have experience with this highly dangerous sport, I thought it would be rather fitting to write about this. For the class task I think we were given around 10 minutes to write the opening paragraph and this is what my brain came up with:

BODY BOARDING: Return of the Seaweed Monsters.

Have you ever been bodyboarding? Because I have, and let me tell you my friend, everything about it is terrible! And that is why I insist on you trying it.

Firstly there are two key elements involved in bodyboarding.
You will need:

• A body (preferably your own)
• A board

Now the boards that you can purchase specifically for this extreme sport are usually made from flimsy polystyrene - which tends to be the same material you receive your overpriced coffee in from a burger van, you know the type of cups which somehow are always red hot but make your drink go cold instantly. Now imagine you are relying on an enlarged form of said coffee cup to keep you afloat in the sea, withstand intense waves, riptides, currents (not the raisins) and many other harsh conditions.

Now, its only been the intro to this highly, adrenaline-inducing sport, and I can already predict what you're doing, you've just told you mother in law to have the dog for the week and told your husband you're​ going on a family holiday as it's good for "bonding" with the kids, Just as he reluctantly tells you he can't​ swim, but says it like its a question. Excellent.

Now I did that in ten minutes. Yes, I've​ put in a few extra things for the purpose of this post, because it would be mind-blowingly​ boring if I didn't​, but I made sure to still only spend 10 minutes on it!
You may not even find this article funny, but my English​ teacher found it hilarious, which to be honest is the only real thing that matters. Just aim to impress the examiners with your sense of personality, you don't​ even have to use humour, just play to your strengths. Even if English​ is not your best subject, try to entice the examiners with a cool story and they will gloss over any small mistakes like a spelling error or misplaced comma ( no word of a lie that's​ what my English teacher said ).

I really like English - but just this part.
I'm​ not very good at reading as I​ have a tiny attention span.
So I thank you for reading and I hope you got further down the post then I did,
One love my dudes.

Code​ :)