Try using some lube next time....
It's nice to know you're seeing all of my posts, although it's fucking creepy you really care so much about me. I know you're a little obsessed now, but you're not really my kinda guy. Also, the fact that you wake up every morning thinking about what I might have posted and reading it to see if it's worth flagging or not seems a little whacked out.
When @ned told me you really "never had a chance to mature socially", he was obviously right. More quotes from him about you to come soon!