This new job is great - every piece of nonsense and self-loathing I've felt in the last decade packaged into 9 hours a day.
I get to learn new tech - typescript, Angular 2, it's awesome. I get to help fix bugs that really look like features that were never properly implemented, or tested. I get to kowtow and play the corporate game, all of which is based on obedience theory. It's great. And all to pay down debts, money mostly stolen from me - by other pricks, people I trusted. And the lesson in all this for me, at 47 years old, is it is all BULLSHIT.
I'm so tired of the software engineering hellhole that is American code-writing in 2017. A constant swoon before white papers and pointless meetings and making every snowflake feel "good" about being on the team.
There is no point for me - none. No point. I exist to work, to pay taxes, to support a broken reality, to make sure that the STATE, the government, can continue its bullshit as well - I get paid tomorrow, and part of me wonders if I should just take the cash, run for the hills, and find a job in a factory some place, or maybe in the fields, maybe just get drunk everyday and then abandon this life and simply become a drifter, a hobo, perhaps a petty thief ... there really is no point.
If I had a wife, kids? - there might be a point.
If I actually saw my salary increase over time, versus plateau in the abuse of financial repression and the inflation that the Federal Reserve says "doesn't exist" - hedonic adjustments aside, there is not nearly the spending power in my paycheck that there once was, this is the prima facie experience of inflation.
So I wonder if I should wander - maybe to the factory, the fields, the streets, and give up on this bullshit.
My boss is "so happy" I'm there, but is he happy for any other reason but that I can help stem the collapse of his own hellhole software swamp?
I am a human resource.
I should join an underground gang and rob banks - that life would have greater existential value than fixing some stupid Angular 2 error involving millions of calculations being triggered on zero values ...
I should work in the pot fields, in Colorado, maybe in a grow-op in Humboldt.
I should write code for the mafia, improving their security - and getting paid in women, beer, and whatever cash I would squirrel into some crappy "pay by day" hotel mattress.
But this existence, as a software engineer? - like the rest of America, is way past its shelf-life, its expiration date.
There are other more dire actions - not worth mentioning to the crypto-normies ...
But they want to pretend, so they're not likely to read this.