I was a little more than (late) to Join "The Facebook"
I avoided joining for years.
In January of 2017, less than 8 hours after I signed up for Facebook, I started having strange daydreams and nightmares about Mark Zuckerberg.
At first, they were just simple things, like the first time, for example, I was driving down the highway at my standard, illegal and dangerously high speeds.
All of a sudden, I looked over to my right and there was what looked to be a ghost of Mark Zuckerberg sitting in my passenger seat, just staring at me. Right through me, into my soul. Intensely, like it was trying to take over my thoughts.
Scared, traumatized and confused. I quickly slowed my car down, as fast as I could find a place to do it, I pulled over to a complete stop. I jumped out of the car, sat in the grass and looked up to the sky.
Semi-jokingly telling myself, "It's no big deal" "Just a little daydream about Mark Zuckerberg, don't freak out" "Just get back in the car, don't look at the passenger seat, and get home, you seriously need sleep". "You freakin' weirdo just stop being so weird" "it's all in your head"
Even though I knew what I had seen wasn't just some kind of hallucination.
Eventually, I returned to my normal "I don't believe this kind of thing anyways" attitude-having-self, got back in my car and went home like nothing had ever happened.
For a short while afterward, I even started to believe that nothing had happened at all.
Two to three days had now passed and everything was as normal as ever. Most importantly, there wasn't any sign of Mark Zuckerberg, to my relief.
I didn't want to admit to myself that I had might have gone coo-coo crazy.
But what is worse? What if Mark Zuckerberg's spirit is actually haunting me?
As the next week slowly went by, things started to get just a little weirder. By little, I mean, WTF, am I okay? Should I be in a padded room somewhere?
Probably.
Don't judge me.
Anyhow,
This is going to get harder to believe, so please, just stay with me until the end of the story.
it was the third or fourth week after I signed up for Facebook now.
I woke up to what felt like the worst hangover I have ever had in my life. I was dazed, feeling drugged, and in an alley in one of the dirtiest places in downtown Chicago that I had ever seen. I was stripped completely naked and covered in what looked like blood. All I know is that it wasn't my own blood, for which I was very grateful at the time.
It was January, in Chicago. I was immeasurably cold, my genitals were all but destroyed by frostbite, and there were two very attractive young women standing there. Both of them looking at me as if I was a large, very unsightly, and intentionally abandoned, spilled and scattered, bag of litter.
For the most part, I wasn't even humiliated. As you can probably imagine, I was far too cold to be worried about what a couple of women thought about my current situation unless they were willing to help me.
Thank GOD or my lucky stars or whatever, but, they did want to help me! And if they hadn't, I would most certainly have died.
But back to the point and to address the fact that you might be wondering, what the hell does that have to do with Mark Zuckerberg?
It's not going to be possible for you to understand if I tell you now, so PLEASE just keep reading and don't try to figure out the whole point without reading the entire story.
Moving on.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by flowers, gift baskets, stuffed animals, and a whole lot of chocolate. The two incredible women who had saved my life had not only paid for my hospital visit, they even started a massive social-media-GoFundMe campaign to help cover the costs of whatever else I may need to survive.
To my right, there was a small white table with a brand new Samsung S7 cell phone laying on it, given to me as a gift apparently, by whom I'm still not sure. As I noticed it there, I slowly started to regain my memory of what had actually happened and why I ended up in the alley in the first place.
I started to realize that I wasn't actually in a hospital at all, in fact, I had never even left my house.
That's when I woke up.
I had dreamt all of it. And here's why.
My now ex-best friend Mark Zuckerberg was standing in my room, hovering over me with an evil smirk, asking me "was it fun" "did it work" "how was the simulation" To which I replied, get out of my house, I don't ever want to see you again.
That's the last time I saw Mark.