For the longest time, I had nothing to do with anything that had been labeled as “evil” or “demonic”. I was brought up in a Southern Baptist town in Texas, where difference meant being condemned. I was baptized when I was five and living with my grandparents. My cousins weren’t even allowed to watch Harry Potter because magic was evil, and it was work of the devil.
When I was in high school, I had a couple of friends that identified as pagans; Wiccans to be more specific. I would ask questions on occasion, get the answers I was looking for, and then look into it some more. I started to consider alternative beliefs for myself. I would still go to church, but that quickly came to an end when my mother forced me to the front of the mega church and had them “pray away the gay” so to speak.
Eventually, I moved to a different state and immersed myself into all things that had nothing to do with Christianity. I was still fearful of certain books for the longest time. An inkling of doubt remained due to my upbringing. I thought a big man in the sky was watching my every move, deciding my fate, my decent to hell, all based on what I was reading.
My studies focused on spirituality instead of religion, as I felt that would fit my being better. I began to meditate, burn incents and sage, learn about the elements, research energies, and so on. I stopped having so many panic attacks after accepting myself as I am. I don’t need to cling onto some invisible omnipotent force that has a castle up in the stars. I don’t need angels to watch over me and beat the demons that scare others in the night.
I do not believe in a higher power, only myself. Sure, if you bring me proof that there is something out there greater than our existence, I will be happy that I was wrong. I have an open mind, but I don’t want to have people pedal excerpts of the Bible, or any other holy book for that matter.
I left God in the past and I feel much better having done so. To each their own. I’ve chosen my path by myself.