On September 2017 my wife and I marked the 30th year of being a couple by re-visiting the place where we met way back in 1987 as teenagers. I wrote a post about it. Thirty years. It sounds like a long time doesn't it? We have friends that are under 30 years old! Time flies I guess.
We met with a couple the other night, long-term friends of ours who are in their mid 30's with a couple of kids. As usual, with people with children, we started talking about their kids and what hijinks they have been up to, what funny thing they did the other day or what school they will be going to and so on. The usual stuff. We always show a lot of interest; They are our friends and as such we engage with them openly and with interest in what interests them, what's going on in their lives including their children. Nothing unusual I guess.
The conversation progressed and one of our friends asked, out of curiosity I guess, "how we feel as a childless couple when people talk about their kids all the time." That's right, we do not have children. The question is one we hear a lot and we don't really know how to answer it to be honest. I mean we don't have kids, we won't ever have kids and there's not much we can do about it. We generally answer by saying that we love kids so much and are pleased and happy to talk about their kids and live somewhat vicariously through them and their experiences. We wish in reality we didn't get asked though; Our answer is designed to deflect the question back to them with a follow-up question about their kids. With all the questions revolving around us and the fact we don't have kids though we have never once been asked why we don't actually have any. Interesting huh? I mean we assume people don't want to seem rude or something however it's strange that they don't ask.
Anyway, a week or so ago I was sent some pictures of my wife holding a young baby of a friend of ours and I felt a stab of sadness. You see, my wife would have made a really great mum I think. She is very giving, level-headed and always seems to know what to say and how to handle every situation. She is like the children-whisperer with our friends kids too! She just seems to know what to do and say with them and they all love her. Seeing the pictures made me quite sad knowing that she will never have the chance to raise her own children. I once told her that I wish we had a child as she would be a great mum and she thought it was a nice compliment but the conversation went nowhere. Where could it possibly go?
In life we are all dealt a hand of cards and sometimes we're able to play them and change our hand; Other times we have to hold the cards we're dealt. My wife and I were dealt our cards just like everyone else and have lived our lives the best we can and played our cards. We work on controlling the controllable's rather than worrying and fretting over things outside our ability to influence. We are content with our lives and the tight-unit we form together and move forward with confidence and passion in life. What more could we do but this? Life is meant to be lived, not regretted.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
@galenkp
Card photo by Anthony Intraversato on Unsplash