My dad had me a bit later in life – when he was almost 39. So he’s slightly older than the rest of my peer’s fathers at 73, and not to sound like a downer, but it really puts the fear in me that I could lose him sometime soon. 😪
He and I don’t really even talk too often – maybe once a week, if that - and I wouldn’t say we are the closest (my dad isn’t really close to anyone – very much a loner), but I still love him immensely, and I think my heart will shatter when he is gone. It’s a thought that crosses my mind sometimes, and then I quickly shove it away as if it’s some far-fetched ridiculous idea that could never become an actual thing. But the reality is that it's a loss that at some point, as long as we are living, we are all guaranteed to experience.
But, I haven’t yet, and I really wanted to take advantage of that. So, true to my nature of having no regrets and making sure that nothing I feel or want to say is ever left unknown or unsaid, I decided to set aside a night to “interview” him.
I called him up – I would’ve done it face to face, but we live 1200 miles apart - and simply just asked him about 25 questions (random ones that I found on the web), and let him speak freely. Some sample questions I threw at him for your reference:
- What do you remember most about your teenage years?
- What do you remember most about your mom?
- How did you meet my mother, and how did you know she was "the one"?
- What times in your life truly tested you, and what did you learn about yourself by dealing with them?
- What three words would best describe how you try to be in life, and how you wish to be remembered?
He actually really enjoyed this, and mentioned how much fun he was having several times throughout the conversation, which was super cute. Naturally, some of the questions raised other questions that weren’t on my original “interview” sheet, and that was nice as well - to learn about more things that I didn’t even anticipate learning about.
An interesting takeaway I got from this is that my dad and I actually aren’t as much alike as I once believed. He’s a very simple man. He couldn’t even answer the question I posed to him about which 3 events “shaped” his life. He’s really not the most emotional or introspective individual, I came to find. I always knew he was kinda laid back, but I had no idea it was to that extent lol. Good lord. In a way I found that I somewhat envied his very blasé nature, but I was also taken aback. I could easily give you 10 events that have drastically shaped my life, and I’m not even half his age! (I’m also neurotic as shit though, so maybe he’s the normal one. Who knows.)
I also learned that one of the number one things that attracted him to my mother was that she had a good job with health insurance, while his job didn't offer any benefits. This was apparently the most intriguing thing about my mother that he could remember. Wtf dad?! Again, I clearly did not get my overly romantic side from him. 😅 Also, when asked how he knew she was "the one", his reponse was, "Well to be honest, I still don't know that she is ..." (I'm certain you can just imagine how fun family events are at that household lol).
Anyway, I won’t go on and on too much about my cute, ridiculously simple and direct father (I guess I can surmise that ridiculous and honest ARE traits that I got from him), but if your parents are still around and you are on speaking terms, I challenge you to have an exercise like this with them. There is something cathartic about really finding out who your parents are, outside of just their role to you as “parent”.
As Baz Luhrmann stated in the Class of ’99 song "Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen" (amongst other fantastic advice):
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good.