My ex filed for full custody and I was not told this was happening

By the time I fled to a women's shelter, my ex had shared custody together with me over our 2 kids. He did not get it long before this moment, because I always had this nasty gut feeling about it, after some things he had said. But several months before this he seemed to be willing to make things work as a family (after he had left the house again for a while) and for a few weeks he was really actually the person that I hoped him to be for a long time. But this was all a facade, unfortunately.
But as he made this effort to do his best, I had this stupid idea in my head that I should show him some trust too. And I felt bad that I did not sign the custody papers yet, and after all he would always be their father.

I found out that I could easily sign these documents online by using our digital signatures. So I did, and I did it without talking to anyone about this. My boyfriend was in my life already back then as my friend, and he told me afterwards, if you spoke to me about this, I would tell you to wait because he saw some things coming. But I thought we are both adults, and either way, we will still both be their parents. So I decided to fill the documents in, and the next day it was already confirmed by mail.

I told my ex (who was my partner at that time) that he was now sharing the custody with me. The same evening things got bad, he started to show his old behavior again, and a few days later I was beaten up, and in a women's shelter. Afterwards I found out the same night that we got the document he was at his girlfriend that he cheated me with for almost 2 years. This was a big slap in the face.
In the women's shelter I told the women from CPS that he just had the custody for a few days, and she agreed (after looking this up) that this was remarkable. But that was it. It meant nothing, didn't change their look on the case. Of course, because they were not there to help me or the children.

Then a long struggle of being in the shelter came, and we lost our house after a while (when I had moved in with my boyfriend). But we found a temporary one that did the trick for a short period, so we were not homeless anymore. At that point the children were living at his mother, which was all a total facade by him, and CPS fell for it. They promised me the world, and I got nothing. We did not get to see the children, and they did nothing about it. Because it was a volentary agreement (as if I had a choice) and therefor he could keep them away. You would think that some eyes would be opened by then, right?

After another period and when things seemed to look a bit better, because I finally got to see the children at the CPS office, as if I was the criminal one.. (but at least I saw them twice) there was a shocking e-mail in my mailbox.
From the new caseworker from CPS, he introduced himself to me and told me he had seen the father yesterday in court!
I had to read that part twice, in court? What the hell is he talking about?
He told me he would like to make an appointment as the father got full custody now over the children. Say what? Are you serious? I did not just read this, right?

Tears started to fall down, and they didn't stop. At this point the police was investigating our case, finally. And actually she opened a (her words) big stalking case against my ex. Actually they just told us that she already had enough evidence to arrest him, but she didn't want the case to be closed without any outcome, so the best thing to do was to keep talking and giving all the evidence from the last years. This was very hard for me, and very emotional going to this stuff again, and it already took weeks to come to this part. But finally there was a little light at the end of the tunnel and I even thought he would finally get arrested now. She spoke about the social workers and CPS workers to meet up to tell them about the case, I got this letter with her number and number of the case to give them for information. And they were not allowed to tell the father this.

And right at that point in this investigation the father filed for custody, and I didn't know anything about this! The caseworker said he had no address where he could find me, but the former CPS worker confirmed to me 2 months before by e-mail (I still have this of course) that she would change my address in my files. This previous woman was one that messed up many times, and she messed up big time, I actually can drink her blood to be honest. But let's not get into that part, of course the new guy could not be blamed, because if it's not in the files, what can he do?

We set up a meeting, and the guy seemed genuine, as far as you can consider one of those people to be genuine. I decided my best chance was to at least be open to him, and not start on the wrong foot. I told him about the stalking case, and he contacted this police officer, and he said at this point there is little you can do. What? Are you freaking serious? So if he would be arrested, he would still have total power over the children anyways? After all he has done, and keeping them from me? Of course the judge just thought that the mother did not care, because I didn't even show up.. I can't blame that judge, he didn't know better..

We tried to pull every string, but as the father found a house on time, they went moving in with him and they kind of told us, this will not be changing in the near future. Only is he will get arrested we will reconsider, but for now you have no change of getting them back. My daughter told me some worrying things in our last meeting at CPS, and I decided to contact the agency where the children get vaccinated in Holland and have to be checked every once in a while. And they just told me the father did not allow me to get info. Neither was I allowed to talk to the school to ask how the children were doing. Because I was preparing to collect more evidence that the children's health hadn't been that well since they went to his mother, and now living with them, he got informed about this, and he blocked every option for me to get documents about the children.

This was the final kick in the face.. I was deceived by CPS again, and now he had total control. I could not take it anymore, this together with the severe stalking activities, and the police that I could not get a hold on anymore was enough for me to decide this is all I can take. Either we stay in this hell, and he will keep power over me, and things will be getting even worse and more dangerous for us, or we leave and make sure we and our baby daughter are safe. And from that point we start to make a new plan when we are at peace again.
And so we did, and I can honestly say that it took at least a year before I could cope a bit with this. But if you are told that it will take some years for a judge to even concider them living with the other parent again, in our situation we could have not made a better decision.

It's hard, yes! It is really hard, but I am myself again, and even stronger, and determinated to fight back.. I will get those two I miss so hard back with me, and I will take the time I need to be so prepared that they won't see it coming. But this part about that hearing that I was not informed about, is hard to swallow. Looking back on it, it may even be done on purpose by that CPS woman that was our caseworker for too long.

On behalf of me and my children, thank you for your support since I found the courage to start writing here on Steemit!

Special thanks to @familysupport for setting up this initiative to help family's in need. Please visit their profile to read what the familysupport tag is about. If you write under this tag, please donate a bit of your earnings back to the community

I write a lot about my period dealing with CPS, feel free to read my stories linked in this posy below.
Let's not be silenced anymore, and gather our strength, thanks for reading this little part of my story..

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